It is amazing. For the past 4 weeks I have been doing a pretty good job of getting the rest I need and working out and it is amazing how good I feel. I didn’t need coffee, had a clear head, more energy and a positive outlook.

Fast forward to a few days of craziness, a kid up for a while last night and some late nights and what a difference it makes. I haven’t gotten to the gym this week, am drinking caffeine trying to get my brain alert, and feel so unmotivated and hopeless.

I read something that said lack of sleep can lead to depression. Um, yeah. I mean if you feel like this all the time how could one not be depressed? I know that this is all lack of sleep though, so today is gently putting one foot in front of the other and conserving energy where possible. Tonight I will have my butt in bed early and will try to get back to that good schedule I had been on.

Yesterday upon telling my kids I loved them, Tyler replied with something like, “I don’t always think you do.” Basically alluding that I am angry all the time. I can’t tell you how shitty I felt hearing that. Of course, he is 5 and a half and so I have to be weary of how much weight I put on that. But still, it made me sad.

I don’t really know what to do about that except to continue to take care of myself so I can be my best self and the best parent I can be. *sigh* One foot in front of the other, right?