Am I depressed? Is it sleep deprivation because I just can’t seem to get any? Am I low on some vitamin? Am I burned out? Am I just an old fart? It is that I am too emotional and so I just tend to end up here time to time? Is it that I don’t take care of myself? Is this a mid-life crisis?

I assume it is a bit of yes to all of the above. Who knows. Last night was a mix of pity party and beating myself up. Sad I am here and blaming myself for being here. Today it was more anger at once again digging myself out when I would rather just give up.

But I am not built like that. I will do what I need to do to get myself to a better place though I am kind of sick of landing here. It seems a little different each time. Maybe I have just been depressed for a while, but it just seems to flare every so often?

Or maybe it is just the icky ebb and flow of life. The biggest bummer is just that being tired makes me a crappy Mom.

All I know is that I don’t feel very wise at the moment and feel like a bit of a fake. And in this moment, I feel very indifferent which is refreshing. No emotion is so much easier than being flooded with them.

I have had some good distraction though. Who knows. I’m tired, but I always am and that seems to be at the heart of the problem.