..and I wanted to make a stronger statement that that. This post is being written to my kids so they can understand why I am partially insane.

The getting them ready for bed is not the problem. The reading books, chatting, loving, or telling a story isn’t the problem.

It is that when I walk out of their rooms, I am figuratively punching my clock. I am done. I have given everything I can give and have nothing left to give. But they still need me. And I am done with being needed. I can feel my shoulder blades tighten when I hear “Mama” from my daughter or my son pops out for another hug.

And so there are times where I lost my temper. I just want time for ME. I want everyone to leave me alone.

Even on Daddy’s nights, he reads them books, then the kids run out of the room looking for me hug them, say goodnight, tuck them in. And then they proceed to need me for an unpredictable amount of time.

Oh and how I dislike uncertainty – I never know if it will be 1 Mama or 5 Mama’s…and tears if I don’t come.

And lately with hubby working every waking minute of the day it seems, he is here, but not really and so it just seems to be that much harder as I am that much more tired.

*sigh* It all just sucks. I don’t want bedtime to be like this, but it just is right now. Obviously, it is worse when I am tired, so I am trying to get better about earlier bedtimes.

I love both of you kids so much and I am sorry for the crankiness, but Mama just needs some time to recharge so I can have plenty of energy, time and love the next day. We have to disconnect for a little while.

And with that, I should go to bed.