So I was bad last night, not too bad.  I went to bed at 11…okay 11:15pm.  But I read an email that got me fired up about the neighborhood association and all these ideas started flowing, my head was wired and I didn’t finally fall sleep until after midnight.  Tyler was up wanting covers I think.  Then Quinn was up at 3-something am wanting milk.  Well, no, we have milk when the sun comes up.  So after an hour she gave up and went to sleep.  Then Tyler was up, and wanted me to snuggle – I stayed around 15 minutes until he was back to sleep.  Then Quinn wanted some milk at 5am.   It was all really laughable.  I actually pondered waking for the day around 5:15am….thankfully, I fell fast asleep.   And then had some crazy dream…..regarding my hubby and another lass….and then they were on reality TV….s-t-r-a-n-g-e.

And so I should feel really tired, but I don’t, but I do want coffee.   So maybe I am getting there – that place I got to when Tyler was a night-waking babe – that place where you function pretty damn well on very little sleep.   Where I am strangely  calm and mellow – I kind of like it.

I am crabby, but don’t have the energy to lose my temper.  And since this is one of my greatest challenges, this state of being actually serves me quite well.  My mood is wobbly, but if I could just interject some yoga in the evenings, I think it would turn around.

I go between optimistic and weighted down and telling myself to suck it up because my life is so damn easy.  And really, it is easy and I know that.   So I take a deep breath and go out into the day being tired, but also thankful.   Resilience – it is what I always hope for in the challenging times, it is what I wish for everyone.  It is what gets you through.

With that, wish me luck.  This mama has to lead 5 other mamas on a hike at Turkey Creek.  Oh universe, this is my zen place – please let it be so today.  I want to share the beauty and peace of nature and hope that there aren’t too  many dogs or distractions to take away from that.  Off to prepare hiking snacks….

Eating a blizzard.  For his breakdown.  For the exhaustion.  For the eerie quiet.  For the uncertainty that hangs on every branch of every tree along with the spring blossoms.   For the work I should be doing with the deadline less than a week away.   For the optimism I continue to discover in the midst of endless bad news all around me.  For Iron and Wine – an excellent blizzard and work companion.  For life – rich and ugly, never dull, and in so many cases, what you make it.

I threw a royal tantrum this morning, didn’t I?  Then again, how often do we get to do that?  :-p  My poor hubby was the one having the really challenging day and I wasn’t so helpful with that.  And of course, the day turned out wonderfully.  All the angry energy was converted into uber productive energy – in fact, I can’t believe all that I got done.

1.  Deep cleaned kitchen including cleaning stovetop and burners, cleared junk and wiped down counters, washed all dishes and scrubbed sink, and wiped down all the cabinets.

2.  Did 4 loads of laundry including vomit and pee laundry from day before.

3.  Cleaned off office desk – filing papers and greeting cards that needed to get filed, found bills/receipts/misc. items I need to respond to, and compiled 2008 tax return items.

4.  Completed knitting a flower child dress.

5.  Swept garage.

6.  Designed database and forms for website I am working on.

7.  Made dinner.

And yes the kids were home and no they weren’t tied up in a closet.  As usual, the day turned out just fine.  And because of all the work completely today, I think tomorrow we will enjoy the warm weather by working in our garden and planting a few things for spring.  Tyler is raring to go, so we might as well go for it!

Tyler seems fine by the way.  A bit more diarhhea this moring, but more or less returning to normal.

So there you go and off to bed I go!

What makes illness harder to swallow is when my child wakes up and is already getting wild and crazy with his sister.  This will not be a mellow day.   He doesn’t feel feverish, it will be a normal day and one I don’t want.  I have cried, I want hide, I am so angry.

Can you tell I am not myself??  I am refusing to accept the reality.  *sigh* *sigh*    {banging head on desk}

Well, he does still have diarrhea…  Erg.  Oh, and in case you are wondering why I am so tired, it is a combination of not going to bed early enough and taking both kids at night.   It was important for Chris to get a good night sleep for his job and now he is up at 6am to go to the gym, so if Tyler wakes up, which he still does, I need to go check on him and pull his covers up, etc.  Sometimes crawl in bed with him.

Lately, it has been nuts.  One night he was up at 1am and then both kids were up at 5am.  The weekend, Chris slept with Tyler, so I didn’t have to worry about him, but Quinn was up for an hour from 4 to 5am.  So it has been a comedy of sleep errors around here – every time I *should* net some sleep, I lose more.

Note to self, I should consider not operating heavy machinery without caffeine…

I would like to note that even tired, I had a great plan for Monday and the kids and I had a great day yesterday.  We even made pita bread.   Maybe it is that I am tired without plan for today that makes it much scarier to approach.  *sigh*  OK, the kids are ready for me to do my job…and I will use yesterdays plan I guess….

Thanks for indulging my whining – it does help.

Being way sleep deprived not having a decent night’s sleep in over a week.  Going to bed looking forward to the next day’s break as Tyler will be in school and getting to have coffee with a friend and our youngest kiddos only to have it all go to hell at 3am.   Because Tyler threw up and had diarrhea.   Because I lost two more hours of sleep.  Because I am in the middle of that time of the month and at this very moment it is all about me and what I don’t get to do.

We have had so much stomach illness around here in the last 3 weeks I am cold to them now.  I know the drill, etc.  My child will most likely have just as much energy and will take breaks to puke and that is about it.  We will be quarantined for the next three to four days.   So no school on Thursday either.

…and I will pout because I am so tired and pissed I have to give up some rare Mama time and with a friend to boot.  Wah!!!   Before I went to bed I was already mad at everyone and last night, oh last night, the whole world was on my shit list.  I had to send the anger out, out to the universe.   And I know I am just tired and I have no capacity to deal with crap, so I send it out for someone else to deal with so I can just whine.

*sigh*  Universe, as angry as I am with you at the moment, I ask for serenity and some humble pie so that I may be gentle with my sick child child and find light in this day.    Everything happens for a reason and I have to hold onto that.  Perhaps I will get to do lots of crafting today, maybe more of my work will get done.  It doesn’t all have to be bad, so I will hold the best intention I can…..as I work on shedding the very livid part of me at the moment.

Those are two lines from the book A Good Day by Kevin Henkes which is a very simple book about 4 animals who are having hard moments and then things turn around. Today was like that. We had a terrible night with both kids – Quinn was up for more than an hour in pain from molars coming in and refused to take any ibuprofen and Tyler was up for about the same amount of time with growing pains which he has been having frequently – almost every night. Sunday night had been no better, so I would have thought today would be hard.

I tried to get the kids to go to the playground or out for a walk, but neither wanted to and Tyler wanted to stay home. So I opened the garage door which automatically sucks the kids out to the front yard. It is magical, I swear. I got a wild hair and went and grabbed my FIL’s miter saw. I started sawing some raw cedar I had and began making blocks. I made a wicked cool home/tunnel/bridge branch with some of the stock I had. I had been wanting to do this for a while, so I was really psyched and having a blast working with the wood.  The kids were quire content looking for bugs and weeding the garden.

We came in after a while and made muffins for lunch – Sweet Squash (actually sweet potato today) Corn Muffins. We had our favorite lunch which was comprised of those muffins, kidney beans, and blanched bok choy. Delicious, colorful and nutritious.

In the afternoon, we played at a park Tyler had requested and had a good friend join us. We got home and Daddy was already there. It just turned out to be a way better day than I could have imagined. So nice when that happens!

We were all tired today. Everyone slept poorly last night and everyone woke up early. BAD combo there. We had Blossom this morning and Quinn took and early nap. Then we had a surprise drop in visit from Grandma. She left near 4pm and we still had more of the day to go.

So we went out front. The plants in the front needed a drink, so I drug the hose out to the front yard and grabbed my bag of pecans for shelling. And from there, we all spent an hour enjoying the spring day. The kids soon de-clothed which was fine. The mosquitos are not back in full force yet, so they should enjoy naked time while they can. The weather was amazing with these sweet breezes showing up just when we needed one. The neighbors yards were brimming with the bright green colors that shout “Spring is here!”

I got dinner made and had fun with that. It was just a really nice day. It amazes me on the days where I just breath, slow down and am open to possibility how the neatest things can happen!