I have been fretting about his pottying or lack there of for the last few months. See, he has pooped in the potty for like a year and a half now. He just never made the leap to peeing as well. And what bothered me is that he never had that “oh crap, I need to pee” moment when we put him in underwear before. I have tried underwear two times in the last few months and usually had him in diapers before the day was over.

For some reason, potty training is a trigger thing for me, so I would rather have him in diapers than get mad about it. The other big reason is that when I gently suggested he go potty, he refused. Then he would have an accident like 20 minutes later…seven times a day (my son pees like a racehorse).
Last Saturday, I just felt zen about the whole thing, I don’t know why. And he also felt ready, I guess because when I suggested he go potty, he obliged. And that is what has made this round of attempts stick – I think he is truly ready, he will go if I ask him to and I am freaking out less about the accidents.

And just yesterday, he was in the office with me, looked up at me and said, “I have to go pee pee!” The moment I was waiting for! Horray!

This kid has an active mind and body and I know there will be more accidents. When he is hyper or really engaged in something, he doesn’t pick up on his body’s signals. Nevertheless, I am thrilled about this step forward.

It is weird how it is already like he has been peeing in the potty for a long time. It is already automatic that we go to the bathroom before we leave the house, when we get up etc. It is like that when your baby walks. My kids took forever to figure it out and two weeks after they started walking, it felt like they had always been walking.

So I guess out potty learning journey is slowing coming to a close. One last hurdle – nighttime. I am not pushing that though – we are going to work on mastering one thing at a time.

Quinn has started using the potty occasionally, so maybe before long, she will get there too. That would be nice!

1.)  Tyler never had that “oh crap” / panic moment when he was about to pee.  I think that is crucial and very indicative of potty readiness.  If he doesn’t recognize that need to pee / sensation of him about to pee, than there is nothing I can do.  I have seen so many friends of his potty learn and it is obvious when they have to pee – they do the dance, get ancy, and give many other indications.  Tyler would stop and pause, but he did then when he was peeing not before.  He DOES get that panic moment when he has to poo, so I know what that moment looks like for him.

2.)  My son is a smart, gregarious three year-old and to spend even a day and a half letting him pee himself seems to disrespectful to him.  I realized that I preferred to trust that when everything clicked, he would let me know.  All I was doing was getting in the way.  Going to the bathroom is like walking, crawling, talking – it is a natural developmental skill that he WILL develop.  He doesn’t like sitting in wet diapers.  He isn’t lazy and doesn’t prefer diapers, but he also doesn’t have all the awareness he needs to go without.  And I am fine with that.

Additionally, he wouldn’t want to go to the potty when I would remind him or ask him to go.  If he had no urge to pee and couldn’t recognize that urge anyway – asking him to go to the potty was senseless to him – he had to reason to go, so why go?

We did have a breakthrough the other day.  We were walking to the park and he said he needed to poo.  He looked uncomfortable and unsure.  But I ushered us back home anyway.  I was a little confused, because he was somewhat taking him time.  We got home, got him on the potty and all he did was pee.  I told Chris – he is starting to sense it, but is confused because it is different, but same sensation.  We are getting there.  And I get more and more excited about letting him come to all this on his own – I think he will feel so much more pride that HE figured it out.  And when we go to underwear next time he will have much more confidence because it is on his cue on not our  urging.

So there you go – the latest update on our potty learning journey!  :-p

He has underwear now.  I wish I had easier pants for him to take on and off – I will procure some soon.   I am going to give it a week.  I will admit to being incredibly skeptical.  I say skeptical because he had two accidents today..in and of themselves, those doesn’t bother me.  It is the lack of a panic moment right before.  That “oh crap, I need to pee and am no where near a place to do so” moment.  Legs are crossed, potty dance ensues.  There is the pause while he is peeing, but the “pee comes too fast”  according to Tyler.

I sent the above paragraph to the Superfriends to see what their advice is about that.  Many of their kids are potty trained, so maybe they can give me some insight.  I am way more relaxed about it this time – we will just see what happens.   I am thinking that a week will be enough time to see if the potty habit is forming and if he is making that final connection from feeling that sensation of needing to pee and getting himself to the potty.

If it doesn’t go well, we will just go back to diapers and see what happens.  I have no real worries  – like everything else – walking, talking, crawling, etc – one day he will get it figured out.  He figured out #2 on his own, so I have no doubt that at some point it will all come together…

I guess yesterday dinner was just on my mind.  Today reaffirmed that Miss Quinn is coming into her own.  She is 3 weeks shy of 1 year old and is ready to take on the world.  She is mobile and wants to be in all the action.  When we are out and about she wants to do her own exploring.  My attention is for the first time really torn.  She is no longer the cutie on my back, she is heading to toddlerhood with a vengeance.  I just don’t know how the Moms with multiple kids and early walkers do it – I am glad I am only contending with crawling at the moment. 

These days Tyler is quite independent, but he is also in attack mode such that when something happens he will pull a child’s hair or grab a child without hesitation.  He will do this to any child – younger, older, he doesn’t care.  He has something to communicate, but motions are easier than words right now.  His arms work faster than his mouth.

It isn’t impossible, it is just an entirely new challenge for me.   I keep trying to stay focused on what I am supposed to be doing.  It ocurred to me that I am not drinking enough water and with summer upon us, that is bad for Quinn’s milk.  My body can’t make milk if there is no liquid with which to make it.  Why am I not drinking more water?  I forget because I am moving so fast all the time.  I am better about packing it with me, but bad about pausing for a drink.  And there it is.  A pause.  A breath.  I still need to calm. I am still moving too fast.  I am frenetic.   It is an asset that I can think so fast and absorb so much so quickly, but I need to balance that with some pauses, breaks, and calm. 

I am also so restless.  Is it summer?  I get sick and tired of all this talk about self-care for Moms.  Do you know what a Mom needs to take care of herself?  A supportive partner who isn’t scared to share the work of parenting and a supportive family who can help out as well.  I am blessed in spades to have such a man and such a family.  A majority of Moms aren’t so blessed.  And with a partner who isn’t that helpful and no family around…well, one is pretty much screwed. I am glad there is more recognition that Moms need a lot of recharge to do their jobs…the problem how to ensure they have the available support to allow them the space and time to do this.  End rant of the day…

Tyler Tries to Save a Friend!

I have to tell this story from today.  One of the Superfriend’s Mom came down to hang out at the Farmer’s Market.  She then took her grandson to play in the water.  As she is walking away, Tyler runs over and starts talking to her something about “Sorcha” and “put Thomas down”.   He has never met Thomas’ grandma and basically thought some strange woman was walking away with Thomas and was concerned! How cool is that?  He did a similar thing at Blossom on Monday when an 19 month-old was wandering over to the gate at the fence.  He gave her this big hug trying to stop her in her tracks.  I thought that was so sweet!!  He is so crazy sometimes, but has the sweetest heart too.  He loves his friends so much!

Tyler says he needs to pee! (we continue our child-led potty training)

So Tyler and Quinn were playing on the bed with Daddy when Tyler says he needs to go pee in the potty.  I took him and sure enough he did!!  We are moving into daytime pee readiness!  I think it is about his ability to feel that he needs to go, hold it and communicate that need.  I mean the kid would sit in a wet diaper and not complain so I though- oh, he is never going to potty train.  But it isn’t about that at all for him.  I think it is all about  making the connection and having the physical ability to control it.  This kid continues to teach me so much.  There are other ways, mama..I am not like all the other kids.  So true, Tyler..so true….

Tyler is Two and a Half!

Wow, he is here.  These half birthdays always seem bigger than the whole ones to me.  He is quite the little boy.  He has a rich vocabulary and is able to communicate his wants, needs and frustrations quite clearly.  He is very active and has an active mind to match.  He is all at once fun and fascinating and frustrating and irritating.  I ride a daily rollercoaster.  He says such wonderful things and has the most amazing thoughts!  “The sky is moving, Mommy!” 

He is in the middle of learning about stuff – some is his and some is not.  He knows about “taking turns” and “trades”.  Tyler is actually such a sweet, patient boy sometimes waiting holding his hands behind his back to help him control the burning desire inside for the toy or play equipment he covets.  Some days he is not in such a patient mood and is going to use all means nescessary to retrieve the desired object.   He can be quick to tantrum when we are doing something that doesn’t jive with his plans.  It is a drop down to the floor and whine kind of thing – your typical toddler tantrum.

Daddy is so cool right now.  He is so enamored with Daddy and Daddy loves it.  He will follow behind Daddy pushing his little mower while Daddy pushes the big one.  They love to take adventures together and Tyler loves to drive Daddy’s car.  We all wait with great anticipation for Daddy to arrive home.

He loves to be outside – he is a child of nature in so many ways.  He has discovered the wondrous world of bugs, but hasn’t quite learned to quiet the impulse to squash them.  I fear for the bugs we meet sometimes!  :-p   He is the same with flowers wanting to pick every one he sees.  It makes me wonder what it must feel like to be that age and have these strong impulses pushing you to do all these things.  The inability to control it, to resist it.  Sometimes I feel like I could talk until I am blue in the face, but when the approrpiate age comes along, these not so socially-acceptable behaviours will melt away.  I sometimes think we parents give ourselves too much credit for teaching our kids these lessons.  Yes, we need to set boundaries and enforce them and yes, we need to tell them what is appropriate when something opposite is going on.  But after that, they are toddlers. 

He still eats like a horse and likes to “raid the fridge” whenever he can.  He can cut strawberries with a dull steak knife and does really well!  He is still an overzealous stirrer, so not always my favorite tasks to hand him.  He likes to help me in the kitchen, although I don’t always want all that help.  It is good though, I do want him to learn to cook.

He is incredibly curious and you can see him trying to put this world together.  He will ask what things are, what is going on and will let you know when he is confused and needs some clarifying.  He is starting to make little jokes.  We were talking about brothers and sisters and he was saying “Tyler’s brother is…Tyler”  Then he was going on about how that was silly. 

This kid is so much like me and sometimes I feel like I know and understand him so well.  Nevertheless, he is so much like me that I struggle because together we tip the scales in many areas and I have to work hard to be more of a balancing force with him.  I always say that Tyler is my teacher…teaching me how to be a Mom.  He presents me plenty of opportunities to learn and practice.  Don’t know how good of a student I am, but I keep trying.

Odd isn’t it?  All those struggles over potty training.  Back in diapers and he takes the wheel from there.  {sigh}  When will I learn to let go and not think that I need to control it all?  As if it were all up to me anyway….

Feeling Jipped over Teething!

Oh, how I waited for him to be done teething!  It would mean that he would be this easy kid who was no longer frustrated by the pain of teething and would sleep through the night.  Um, yeah, right.  See he is two and I fail to realize that in this year there is a bunch of crap that is going to piss him off.  I would say he has been in a tougher phase since he finished teething.  He still wakes up at night, although that is all over the place.  Usually though the wakings are few (one or two) and brief.  The last two nights he has actually slept through.  Though oddly, he woke up both mornings crying.  This morning it seemed like he had a bad dream.

Anyway, I think I have nixed the teething party for now.  He does have all his teeth though.  So a huge milestone there.  I can’t complain – I got what I asked for which was to NOT have two kids teething at once.  I didn’t care about the diapers, but let them teethe one at a time.  So I have to be happy about that one!

Potty Time!

Today Tyler asked to go “poop”, but only peed.  Don’t know if he thought he had to poop or what.  At any rate, I think for now I will let him lead.  He is pretty much day-pooped trained and I am hoping at some point will decide to pee in the potty too.  I am still amazed how long he will sit in a wet diaper.  I don’t think he knows when he is about too.  Being that he always tells us when he has to poop, I would think if he had a pee urge, he would react the same way??  Dunno – but no rush.  We are in a good place potty-wise and I have to motivation to make any changes at this time. 

 - The other day Tyler was taking a stick into the bathroom.  When I asked him what he was doing, sure enough, he was giving the stick a bath.  He soaped it, rinsed it, and even dried it off.

 - Chris told me that Tyler was nursing his fish and dolphin in the bath the other day.

 - Tyler was running up to Chris and I this evening as we were hugging, so we did joke screams “Ah!!!” and then scooped him up and did a little family hug. Tyler enjoyed this so much that he asked to be put down, ran to his previous starting point and said “Daddy snuggle Mommy again.” to he could reset and restart his fun!

 - I stripped Tyler down yesterday to let him play in the rain.  He had come back inside for a bit, but then said, “need to pee in the rain”.  He then ripped off his diaper, ran outside, pee’d on the grass and then came back in.  This one had me scratching my head.  If he could have the capability to know he needed to pee and could hold it to take off his diaper – couldn’t he be potty trained then?  Who knows - it cracked me up though.

 - Imitation – sometimes I want Tyler out of the way so I can do things, but I realize more than ever that he so badly wants to imitate whatever Chris and I are doing.  He wants to stir, wash dishes, cut vegetables.  And he likes to supervise me – tell me go slow while driving down the hill, give me fruit that I can cut, tell me to get up and lead me somewhere.

Pet Peeves

 - picking his nose and then putting his finger in his mouth

 - throwing toys and food

 - dumping

 - running out of the bathroom after he makes a poo and then playing chase all over the house so I have to catch him to wipe his butt

 - long poo-poo’s.  This kid sits on the potty for 20 minutes to complete his poo.  And when he says, “I’m still working on it”, he means it. It didn’t really occur to me how long it took until we were in Lowe’s one afternoon with Chris and he announced he had to go poo-poo. My god – he and Chris were in there for 25 mintues.  Chris was annoyed that I kept checking up on them, but I was sure there was a problem.  Nope – just Tyler doing exactly what he said he had to do.

This happened to me at Bull Creek where he sat on the potty for 15 minutes.  Of course, he is now enamored with using other people’s potties, so I have to be judicious when he makes a request.  He wanted to sit on the potty at Bull Creek again – but this time I knew it was just the fun of sitting on the potty.  Did you hear that, people?  Let’s go have fun sitting on other people’s potties…ug, no comment.

Limp legs.  Tyler is in the “di it myself” phase.  So when I want him to hold my hand or go somewhere and he refuses – he limp legs on me.  I was so not amused when he did this in the middle of a crosswalk at 45th and Burnet.  I pretty much had to drag him the rest of the way.  While I appreciate his independence, there are times where mama still needs to help keep him safe.  Just like today at Bull Creek, he had to fall and feel the water carry him a little bit before he understood why I wanted him to be careful.

This afternoon I was getting Quinn down for her nap.  Well, she wasn’t ready so we walked out of the bedroom to find Tyler.  He had to go poo-poo, so he ripped off his diaper and was sitting on his potty (he only had a diaper on in the house).

Daytime poos are the first thing they supposedly “get”.  It is so cool!  I am keeping him in dipaers and we will just see where this goes.  We are doing the very slow approach to potty training, but it works for me.  I want him to initiate – that is really important to me.  While I know even down the road, I will have to suggest he try or ask if he needs to go – I do not want to have to be his bladder for him.  That didn’t work for Tyler and I and with two kids, I already feel I have so much to think about.  Right now if he wears diapers, but most of his poops are in the potty – well, that is cool with me.

What Now?

Pull-ups.  I would love to find a cloth solution though.  These allow us to still try and use this potty which I will still encourage, but if he has an accident, then it isn’t a big deal.  I use to think these were a bad idea, but no, now that I am in the thick of PT – I think they are brilliant.

That is the latest news on the PT front.