A blah day – all over the place in my head. Just one of those down days. In the kitchen making dinner and I look up, and there is the sunset. As much as I envy those folks in the hills that get to see the entire expanse of the sunset every night, I wouldn’t trade my little view for anything. I am blessed to get the glimpse I get and it makes me so very happy.

I stopped many times this evening trying to capture the beauty in front of me. I can’t explain how it fills me. It requires nothing of me, but to be in the moment drinking in the visual goodness. The clouds dance and takes so many forms – some days looking like artists strokes – sometimes long, somtimes curved, some days cotton balls, some days wisps, some days a mix of it all. I bask in the gorgeous glow of the sun and for that fleeting moment all is right with me, all is right with the world.

Tonight, the sunset was the friend knocking on my window asking “why so glum?” and got me out of my head for a while. And if that wasn’t cool enough, on one trip out to take another picture, I look up and there is the moon looking down at me! And it was like “hi”!…it is a party. :-p

And so I share some of the scenery with you tonight. Maybe your day wasn’t that hot either and you could use the visual distraction.

And it is over…thanks for dropping by!

Had a good Valentine’s Day! The kids each received one of those Bilbio toys. Activity toys – all about activity toys for my active two.

These things are pretty great. They can sit and spin around in them which I have a movie of them doing that somewhere. They can turn them over and stand on them. They have been hats. Not surprisingly, Quinn is using it as a place to put things. Tyler nn is spinning bear and lobster in his. We brought them with us for sliding down hills in the snow. Pretty fantastic thingamabobber!!

Speaking of love, this dog loves Chris. Sadly Daddy is very busy and so Chase doesn’t get all the Daddy time he would like. But when he does, oh this dog is in completely heaven. I love this picture….

One can never question the tenderness between father and daughter. The way he immediately softens when she needs him, when she comes in dressed up or giving him something she made leaves no room for doubt that he adores her.

She comes to snuggle in the middle of the night after a bad dream. He lifts up the blankets and they snuggle close and sleep tight.

She will sit quietly in his lap while he works. And this mellowness that she exhibits, different from her spirited older brother, means that he is happy to have her there in his lap content with the company.

It is sweet and I love seeing him be such a softie. He always wanted a son, but he never knew how much this little girl would steal his heart.

Friday started off lazy, got busy when we visited Pop’s place and then Grandma’s house, but I liked how it ended. In fact, after this I spent a lovely evening wearing my new gloves out with good friends. A good day indeed!

Sitting out front knitting while the kids play. I adore this image of the ditched bikes and the kids off in the distance checking out something in the grass. There is something so typically childhood about it to me.

Ah, knitting goodness, especially knitting just for me. There is nothing like a quick knitted gift for myself while the weather is still chilly! Happy afternoon, indeed!

Friday we took my Mom to visit Pop. My Mom recently had a total right knee replacement and has been recovering for the last month. She used to see Pop just about every day, but after the surgery, he went two weeks without seeing her. Recently, we brought Dad over to my house twice for visits with her. He was defintely missing her and emotional.

But somehow a visit by her to his place was huge. My father was the mose emotional I had seen him – weeping and sobbing. He really missed her. Sometimes I think I discount that no matter how progressed his disease that some things he is still very aware of. My Mom says it is a matter of the heart and I believe her. They have been married 35 years. He had taken to going around his facility and asking “Where’s her?”

And so it goes. I am having more experience these days in caring for my father – shaving his face, brushing his teeth. It is crazy and difficult to witness such changes.

However, there are always bright spots and so it was with the Valentine’s party. We were served a lovely meal with cupcakes for dessert! There was music and even a crowned king and queen. Pop sat there contentedly at one point just holding onto my Mom’s hand. He was so happy to have her there…

My favorite parts of this house are the windows. Big, lovely windows that let in tons of natural light. I love to sit in the living room in the morning when the kids play there. The whole area is bathed in sunlight. And today as the light is playing peek-a-boo with us, we soak up every moment it peeks through.

It has been nice to do nothing this morning but knit and be and enjoy my kids.

This is me lately – in constant motion. Waiting for a friend to come over to discuss a project, I was just walking around the house. Not enough time to sink into anthing, so what should I do. Maybe it was the caffeine, but I just couldn’t sit still – a huge problem lately. And so I put on my jacket, hat and gloves and went outside and laid in the grass on that sunny afternoon.

And once I was there, I couldn’t move. I sank into the ground and let the sun recharge me. I admired the trees I have loved all winter and looked at the blue sky. My mind quieted. I need to remember this and do it way more often.

I am so flooded with emotions these days that are intense, but meaningless. There is no reason for them, but they come. I am learning to just ignore them. I listen to whatever music will let that emotion play out in my head: anger, rebellion, giddy, lost, weary, sad, elated, depressed…..it helps. I am learning to not attach my emotions to anything or anyone in particular. Nevertheless, processing through wears me out.

I operate on a currency of emotion and often these days I think it sucks. Nothing is stable in my world everything is fleeting. Up, down and all around.

All my friends are figuring out school – I know at least for now, I am homeschooling – there I said it. The schooling itself will be cake for this daughter of an elementary school teacher – it is more the going against the grain that freaks me out. Will I crave more freedom? What am I going to do – I want to go back to work at some point, but doing what and what will I get paid since I have been at home? I am pretty damn smart and creative…. Seeing my husband work and stress all the times makes me feel so guilty. Everything is so uncertain.

I don’t know – I feel lonely, but I always feel this way…always. Connections never feel permanent, but for the moment. I feel misunderstood or perhaps like no one knows me. Course some days I don’t know who I am either. Hubby says I always take solice in this notion, so be it then. I am married to someone with an avoidant/dismissive attachment type – I am the opposite, preoccupied/ambivalent and require strong connections. It is all baggage I guess. He provides me a strong foundation upon which I can rely always – but there is another side there. And perhaps I am learning more and more how it is ME who has to be there for me….be my own best friend. I need to remind myself that really it is all fine, I am okay, everything is okay.

“self-talk” is a good coping strategy for my type and I do it a lot. And perhaps this blog is part of that – I can talk to myself and work it out. So many of these emotions are fleeting – it is all weather. And if I breathe, don’t put to much stock it in, it will pass.

And with this constant churn of emotion, I need a lot of nrecharge….and really outside is the only place i can get it. I think I rely too much on people being an extrovert, but then I exhaust people – it is like I suck out their energy. Nature is the only place big enough to absorb it all – I can dump it all there feeling no guilt and then simply feel light and free.

This week is going to be hard because I am working on a really special project for a friend. It will take a lot out of me to complete it…and I have a feeling that it will require a few late nights, so the sleep deprivation won’t be fun. But the end result, will be worth it….it always is.

And I expect next week, you will find me lying in the grass quite a bit recharging, basking in the accomplishment of the week before and trying to shake off all the emotion that is weighing me down. Just being okay in my world and enjoying the company of the trees.