The other afternoon we were hanging at home and the kids were starting to get a little riled up and so I asked them if they wanted to draw. Tyler asked me who was going to draw. I told him all of us. He then asks Daddy, “Do you draw, Daddy?” Oh yeah, we all needed to draw - they need to see Daddy being artistic too. It was really nice and I think I am going to try to make it more of a habit especially when we are all needed a little downtime.

It was really nice as we all sat around peacefully creating. I also got a change to try out the kids new Lyra pencils. They are beautiful. I agree with what Soulemama espouses about quality art materials for kids - it really heightens the experience.

I also feel that if the materials are treated with reverence, the will be handled with it. Well, for the most part, I do have a two year-old.  I made these pencil cases for their new pencils and we all really like them. The case has room for 26 pencils; right now the kids have 12. It will be fun to fill them slowly over the next few years as they receive a new pencil here and there across the various holidays and festivals. Oh and Mama has a pencil case too…it is almost done.

We placed all of our pictures on the fridge. I drew a place, “where I want to go soon”, Daddy drew a farm with cows in the pasture (and my apologies to him for hanging it upside down…oops), Tyler drew “day and then night” - his recent drawing obsession, and ya know, I don’t know that I asked Quinn what she drew. She was quite pleased with it though, I know that.

So one evening two weeks ago, I was working on a website I am building for Blossom Family Center. I figure I might as well give the new Coldplay a listen. I was immediately captivated. I don’t know if it was my recent mood or what but I immediately connected to the music. I usually don’t embrace a full album right away. Within a day I wanted the music on my iPod and by the next day I remember hearing they were coming for a concert.

Three days after I first heard the album, I told Chris, “I really want to hear this album live, I want to go see Coldplay.” Sure enough they were coming in November, but only to Dallas or Houston.” And you know what, we were fine with that!

Here is the weird thing - I am not a massive Coldplay fan. I like their music, but it isn’t like I would travel to go see them. But somehow this music sonically grabbed me - and if you have heard this album, well, it was built for an arena. You want to be completely drowned in it to fully experience it. Chris did get to see Colplay at ACL and really enjoyed their show. And he is quite the music snob, so to be blown away by a band says a lot. So I thought - what the hell? The kids will be old enough..why not have a couple excursion?

The Dallas tickets had already gone on sale, but we lucked out that the Houston ones were going on sale that weekend. Chris snagged us floor seats and so off to Houston we go. The full plan is to drive down, have dinner at one of our old haunts, see the concert, stay at a hotel overnight and head back the next morning…without the kids of course.

We are so excited and have been acting like giddy teenagers since the whole plan came together.  Too bad we have to wait until November!!  :-p I think it is what we needed. Sometimes we get so lost in parenting and our lives as they are now. It is nice to carve out places where we can connect to the people we left behind the day Tyler was born. It is nice to realize they are still there and as the kids age, we will have more opportunities to be those people from time to time. To shed the weight and responsibility for a little while…

I sent an email to some friends and had to post part of it here….

Yesterday Quinn woke up way early from her nap and part of me wanted to just go get ice cream with the kids.  Then I had this internal discussion saying to myself, “no, don’t give up - you can totally stay here and have a great time.”  And we did.  The highlight was getting buckets of water and soap and having a car wash where the kids washed their bike, fire truck and whatnot.  I helped for like 10 minutes….and then for another 10 minutes they remained completely engrossed in their task.  After that we played with the water hoses…then we came inside for a while and I made them a rabbit hole out of couch cushions.

The “old me” would have bolted from the house trying to kill as much time as possible.  It was a really cool day and I was glad I stuck in out and had faith in my creativity and ability to guide us through the rest of our day.

Some days around here are not stellar and I do muddle through. It isn’t always elegant how we get through the day, but we get there. As I review the day, I will pat myself on my back for not giving up or checking out. That has been one big change for me - if things are starting to go downhill, I remain engaged and shift directions. Kids throwing books/toys? Build them a cave on the couch which eventually leads to jumping on the couch (which is totally fine). Downstairs getting old, move upstairs. I am feeling hungry and grumpy, think the kids might as well - make a quick batch of always-pleasing popcorn.

Typically a Cave or Tunnel, but today we were climbing up a mountain…

I am starting to slowly build my arsenal. I got this great idea from a class I took at Blossom Family Center on 3 year-olds about using a lot more imaginary stuff and visual scenery. One day I couldn’t get Tyler on the potty, so I told him to go get on his tractor. I sat in the hallway with him, got on my tractor and took Tyler all over my farm - we fed the horses, checked on the sheep, got some eggs from the hens. And he loved it. Now he tells ME to go get on my tractor while he is on the potty and tells me where we are going. This morning he asked me if I had pigs on my farm…I guess I need to add some.

I am working on doing a better job of setting the stage for play. When I do that and get them engaged, I can usually pull away and get things done while in the same room/area. And I find that as I use my creativity more, the ideas are starting to flow more.

The last two days we have all been in a slump. Maybe I have been preoccupied or just out of sync with the kids. We have our Summer Blossom class starting tomorrow, so that will be fun for all of us. I find that going to that class really helps “reset” me and get me back on track.

Setting the stage for play..I started building bridges creating “loads” and before long Tyler had grabbed his forklift and was hard at work….

Finally, those rhythms and anchors are so necessary. There are certain parts of the day that are always the same. Even when I don’t want to do what is next, I make myself sing the song and get a move on. The continuity really helps all of us settle in to our day. We have a pretty solid morning routine, lunch and rest time routine and then after Quinn wakes up. I even drew a visual aid and Tyler loves it. One day we were out of order and Tyler had to check it and let me know! Things just flow.

Our morning routine: wake, breakfast, dress/brush teeth and hair, and out the door - either to walk the dog, head to our local park or into the car for an adventure

This home stuff is all starting to come together so beautifully. I found a calendar from 1.5 years ago and the way I planned my days were AM - out, then nap, then PM - out. I never wanted to be home. And slowly, this is where I want to be. There is so much fun to be had right here. The days aren’t all perfect, but they aren’t horrible either. Even today, I decided to just clean the house and the kids were fine. They kind of did there own thing, made their own messes, and I got a ton done.

With that the kids are home and it is bath time….

Update:

It is midnight and after futzing with a broken sewing machine for an hour, I fixed it and stayed up late to finish sewing our birthday flags! I will post pics tomorrow! They will be used to celebrate each family members’ birthday.

Tomorrow I start making Quinn’s birthday crown - it is so cute and I am so excited! Tyler already asked me if he was getting his own crown (since I told him the flags were for all of us) and I told him that “yes, he gets his very own special crown”. Oh, this is such fun!!

Birthday Flags!

Some days around here are not stellar and I do muddle through. It isn’t always elegant how we get through the day, but we get there. As I review the day, I will pat myself on my back for not giving up or checking out. That has been one big change for me - if things are starting to go downhill, I remain engaged and shift directions. Kids throwing books/toys? Build them a cave on the couch which eventually leads to jumping on the couch (which is totally fine). Downstairs getting old, move upstairs. I am feeling hungry and grumpy, think the kids might as well - make a quick batch of always-pleasing popcorn.

I am starting to slowly build my arsenal. I got this great idea from a class I took at Blossom Family Center on 3 year-olds about using a lot more imaginary stuff and visual scenery. One day I couldn’t get Tyler on the potty, so I told him to go get on his tractor. I sat in the hallway with him, got on my tractor and took Tyler all over my farm - we fed the horses, checked on the sheep, got some eggs from the hens. And he loved it. Now he tells ME to go get on my tractor while he is on the potty and tells me where we are going. This morning he asked me if I had pigs on my farm…I guess I need to add some.

I also have started getting playdough out once a week while I am making dinner. That has been helpful. I also bought each kid a tin of beeswax crayons and blocks. I am trying to get things in containers because I find things that seem to be packaged get treated a little better. Quinn is two so that is lost on her as she dumps them, but she does love to put them away and sing the “tick tock” clean-up song. Tyler LOVES his and gets them out all the time asking to “draw”.

I am working on doing a better job of setting the stage for play. When I do that and get them engaged, I can usually pull away and get things done while in the same room/area. And I find that as I use my creativity more, the ideas are starting to flow more.

The last two days we have all been in a slump. Maybe I have been preoccupied or just out of sync with the kids. We have our Summer Blossom class starting tomorrow, so that will be fun for all of us. I find that going to that class really helps “reset” me and get me back on track.

Finally, those rhythms and anchors are so necessary. There are certain parts of the day that are always the same. Even when I don’t want to do what is next, I make myself sing the song and get a move on. The continuity really helps all of us settle in to our day. We have a pretty solid morning routine, lunch and rest time routine and then after Quinn wakes up. I even drew a visual aid and Tyler loves it. One day we were out of order and Tyler had to check it and let me know! Things just flow.

This home stuff is all starting to come together so beautifully. I found a calendar from 1.5 years ago and the way I planned my days were AM - out, then nap, then PM - out. I never wanted to be home. And slowly, this is where I want to be. There is so much fun to be had right here. The days aren’t all perfect, but they aren’t horrible either. Even today, I decided to just clean the house and the kids were fine. They kind of did there own thing, made their own messes, and I got a ton done.

With that the kids are home and it is bath time….

Update: It is midnight and after futzing with a broken sewing machine for an hour, I fixed it and stayed up late to finish sewing our birthday flags! I will post pics tomorrow! They will be used to celebrate each family members’ birthday. Tomorrow I start making Quinn’s birthday crown - it is so cute and I am so excited! Tyler already asked me if he was getting his own crown (since I told him the flags were for all of us) and I told him that “yes, he gets his very own special crown”. Oh, this is such fun!!

It amuses me how a post in my head can change over the course of a day. Yesterday my post would have talked about how I don’t like my son very much. It would have talked about me dealing with my self-respect and dignity getting stomped on and how I must maintain my composure…and often don’t. Yesterday was a doozy. I was so exhausted, that I just let my frustration and anger drive. I don’t even know if I was in car - I think I had left it in search of coffee or maybe greener pastures. It was bad, it was a mess, I am ashamed and feel terrible. My buttons were pressed to the max.

Needing a ‘Vaca’

Yesterday I kept thinking, “I need a vacation from my kids….the zeal of this job is gone.” Really, that is the tired talking. That is additional frustration from me trying to create regular rhythms to our day when I have little capacity for change. And as soon as Tyler senses that I want us to transition to x, y, or z - he rails against it. I get frustrated..why is this so hard? Why can’t we just get dressed, dammit?? It has only been a few days and today I did much better. Tyler didn’t want to go for our morning walk, but we still went. He hemmed and hawed through half of it, but then ant piles, leaves, and finally a dump truck moved his head past it. I need that walk I realized - I need to go outside and breathe in the day. It allows me to reset. And he resets as well.

Antagonism and Reactions
He is starting to talk back to really push and test boundaries. He persists doing what he wants to do while looking right at you. He is testing, testing, testing. It is so hard in those moments to remember that my reaction to this is PIVOTAL. Whatever I do, I teaching him how to react. I know this because I see it with his sister. So if I just grab something from him, which I do on occasion, he will react the same way when his sister has something she shouldn’t. If I am screaming at him or physical with him, he will learn to do the same to his sister or others.

It is so hard in those tense moments to remember all that. It is a constant struggle for me, constant learning, constant practice. That is the challenge with this age that I honestly think a lot of people don’t get - you CAN’T get drawn in - you get drawn in, you fail. I AM NOT THREE - I am thirty-three. That doesn’t mean I should exert my power over him - I do not want my son to learn submission in the midst of a struggle. I need to act with the maturity and wisdom and creativity of someone who is thirty years older. And that is what I do every night. I review what went well and what clearly didn’t. What could I have done better? I also try to transform my perspective and see my sweet, loving son - not all the negatives that are so vivid in my head at the moment.

Siblings

He also likes to remind us that he has his own opinions about what we should do today, how we should do this or what he wants to do right now. He is getting more difficult in his sister in some ways. She can’t play with his train - she has to have her own track. Although in the last two days, I realize that during our “creative play” time - he does best if I get her involved with me quietly (that is the trick). He will get into what he is doing and PLAY as long as he doesn’t realize she may doing something fun. So she may be playing in the kitchen sink while I wash dishes. They need there own space, but they are just too curious about what the other is doing. Again, this is why I think Starbright will be so helpful. They will be going together, but will have their own classes and friends there. Some time to grow on their own, but coming back together to head home.

Respect and Helpfulness

There is the disrespect of things - will he ALWAYS break stuff?? Does he have to throw the doll I made him every damn time? Will he EVER pick up anything? Will he ever carry his plate to the sink? In sane moments, I realize that he is only three. I realize that he has been in a growth spurt for the last 6 months and with no naps the kids really is always tired. But there are days - he drops a spoon….”Tyler, can you grab that?” “I am too tired.” Jesus child, I am exhausted….you can pick up the spoon. I don’t say that, I sigh and pick it up. Model, I have to model. That is what I have to do. Don’t shame him, but model because I know he watches me. I need to be gentle with everything, I need to practice what I preach. It is my actions that will live on in his head and one day it will click. Day after day though, it is hard. After three years of parenting, maybe i am just tired. He is just doing what three year olds do. I have to trust my gut…

Boy-ness, Chomper-Whompers and Clampers

I realize that he is a boy bursting with “boy-ness”. And while I think I have done well up to this point giving him open space to be a boy - this is a new level of boyness - and me a girl, is having to take a step back. He is very “violent” in his talk. So he will say things like, “I am going to saw you into bits!”, “I am going to take my chomper-whomper and chomp Quinny into bits!” He likes to remove body parts - “you have no nose!”, “I ate your nose!”, “I took your arm off”. He is very much into tools right now and has his own real hammer. He will be getting a woodworking bench for his birthday.

I am wise enough to realize that the imagery his comments conjure up in my head are not the same for him. He has no concept of what those things would mean if they happen in reality. I have the sense to NOT say, “that is not nice” or “that would hurt”. He is not trying to be mean or hurt - he is just trying to play a game..he is trying to work things out.

The leader at our little parent/child class talked about how three year olds in their subconscious are playing with their own individuality and starting to separate themselves from their mother. I see that totally. He is separating body parts, he is smashing the cord that ties us. He is playing with his own power and strength - everything for him is about how strong he is. While overwhelming at times, I also realize how healthy this it and the best thing I can do is nurture this within the confines of the boundaries we have set. It is exhausting and challenging, but also fascinating. I am new at this and am just as curious where this journey is leading us..

Discoveries

..and with all the craziness…just this week he discovered DRAWING?!?! He wants his drawing pad all the time. Yesterday he hauled it and a pen everywhere - the front yard, on our bus ride. He wanted me to read him the “Drawings of Moony B Finch” about a boy who draws. I thought this would never happen honestly. And he is talking about painting lately. I am so excited about this. I want to get him a special set of color pencils and am going to make a fabric pencil case holder for him to have. But that is in a few months…

Every day is a new day and brings new surprises and challenges. I have to sign off - the kids will be home any moment. I do have pictures to post from our Strawberry picking outing and our Earth Day party!! And I have to spend equal time talking about our amazing daughter who sadly needs to get more attention on this blog. Her vocabulary is exploding and she is growing more into her own everyday.

Namaste, everyone…

Ug, ug, ug. We are at that place and I know this place and it sucks to be honest. Let me begin by saying that Quinn’s naps are very important around here for many reasons:

a.) I enjoy the zen place I go to as I nurse her to sleep. I close my eyes, relax and swim in my head.

b.) There is a lovely shift in our home and I get a 1.5 to 2 hour break. Tyler and I hang out and relax doing various things - some days I just chill and stitch or knit. Other days I am working on dinner in the kitchen while he helps. Some days I am working on projects or whatnot and he weaves in and out playing alone and then checking in with me.

c.) Quinn still needs to nap.

d.) When Quinn doesn’t nap - everything goes to hell. The last two weekends she hasn’t napped. Tyler is a complete mess. He also is ready for that shift and break. And by the end of both weekends, Quinn was exhausted and it was evident Monday morning.

e.) I still have no idea what I will do when she drops naps. The way I would handle the situation now with her being only 2 is way different than if she was 3. We all need our break, but how to do that with both kids. I visualize and mull it over, but I haven’t any clarity around it.

Where we are now..

So I know this place because Tyler went through it. It is the phase where the toddler still needs that nap, but they take forever to wind down and give up the ghost. That daytime sleep though impacts bedtime, so they are not as tired at night and hence go to bed later. I still remember Chris so annoyed because it was taking an hour and sometimes more for Tyler to go to bed. Chris was thrilled when he dropped naps because getting Tyler to bed after lights out went from that hour or more down to 15 minutes, if not less.

Instead of 20 minutes at naptime, it is taking 30 to 40 minutes to get her to sleep. And that is usually 25 minutes of her being restless, talking to me, playing around. so I can’t zen out as well and start getting frustrated and subconsciously terrified that she isn’t going to nap. She also wants her naps so late which isn’t good for bedtime.

For now I just want to find a way to relax and get it back in my head that she WILL nap. Tyler I must say is so incredibly patient. I think that is part of the stress - knowing that Tyler is chilling in his room waiting. He sometimes listens to stories, but interest in that waxes and wanes. Maybe I will just start trying to get her down later and see if that helps things. Of course, then I have to watch her not sleeping too late.

At night, she is crashing at 9pm. It takes her about 40 to 50 minutes to go to sleep. Of course, that bedtime has her up at 8am which leads to a later nap and so it goes. I am trying to make sure she is up at 7:30am which sometimes helps.

Because i know how this all plays out, I am trying to just go with the flow. I would honestly rather us stay at this place for a while, then move to no naps. I am seriously NOT prepared for that transition. I am also thinking that Starbright might help a bit.

We will see what happens….Tyler dropped naps at 2 yrs 2 months, so we will see if she follows suit. I guess I better start getting creative. Maybe the universe is trying to warn me so I am not caught completely off guard??