The other day we were upstairs and Tyler says, quite flustered, “all my hiding spaces are gone!” What honey? I had filled a cabinet up with craft and sewing supplies and had unknowingly taken away a hiding spot. He was also upset because we had decided to let go of his train table to make more room and he was very sad it was going away. He goes on, “my hiding spots are gone, my train table has to go…” I felt bad for the kid, it did seem like his chips were down. So I offered to move my stuff. And he told me, “Yes, Mom. While I am sleeping, you move all your stuff out.” And so I did. I am all about hiding spot preservation….

It must be in the air and Elizabeth T. and Elizabeth H.’s sons recently made their leaps. Tyler has now been in underwear a week and for the most part, things are going pretty well. And I have no idea how it happened.

I have been fretting about his pottying or lack there of for the last few months. See, he has pooped in the potty for like a year and a half now. He just never made the leap to peeing as well. And what bothered me is that he never had that “oh crap, I need to pee” moment when we put him in underwear before. I have tried underwear two times in the last few months and usually had him in diapers before the day was over.

For some reason, potty training is a trigger thing for me, so I would rather have him in diapers than get mad about it. The other big reason is that when I gently suggested he go potty, he refused. Then he would have an accident like 20 minutes later…seven times a day (my son pees like a racehorse).
Last Saturday, I just felt zen about the whole thing, I don’t know why. And he also felt ready, I guess because when I suggested he go potty, he obliged. And that is what has made this round of attempts stick – I think he is truly ready, he will go if I ask him to and I am freaking out less about the accidents.

And just yesterday, he was in the office with me, looked up at me and said, “I have to go pee pee!” The moment I was waiting for! Horray!

This kid has an active mind and body and I know there will be more accidents. When he is hyper or really engaged in something, he doesn’t pick up on his body’s signals. Nevertheless, I am thrilled about this step forward.

It is weird how it is already like he has been peeing in the potty for a long time. It is already automatic that we go to the bathroom before we leave the house, when we get up etc. It is like that when your baby walks. My kids took forever to figure it out and two weeks after they started walking, it felt like they had always been walking.

So I guess out potty learning journey is slowing coming to a close. One last hurdle – nighttime. I am not pushing that though – we are going to work on mastering one thing at a time.

Quinn has started using the potty occasionally, so maybe before long, she will get there too. That would be nice!

Vincera….Chris came to Austin with 6 friends to start a company. Considering the economic climate at the time and backlash against web startups, they had an uphill battle the entire way. While their story isn’t a 100% happy ending, they did get funding and had a pretty good run spanning many years. That core group – those 6 guys and their significants became a family.

I walked into the office with a crazy new haircut one Friday at the end of the day and tried to round up some folks to go our for dinner – everyone came. I remember Trieu asking some of us to come support his cousin at a film fest at the Alamo – we all came. We had Iron Chef competitions at our house and so much good times. We traveled to Canada to attend Kevin and Candice’s wedding. Everyone came – even Ashish and Shalini with their 1 year old son. It was the most amazing group of people I have every been around. Everyone was there for everyone. We could lean on each other. And when the guys were working way too damn much – we formed the Vincera Wives Club and consoled ourselves with drinks at Trudy’s.

Enter kids and suddenly 6 months go by and we haven’t seen or talked with each other. Babies are born and by the time we get over to see the new little one, he is 5 months old. Everyone is so busy with their lives these days.

Well, Michelle emailed a few weeks ago and we all managed to get together at a water park in Round Rock this past weekend. We had a picnic, played in the water with the kids, and well it was awesome. We are all ready to do it again and start getting together way more often. We all missed each other so much. It was like old times.

A few weeks ago, I lamented I had lost all my friends. And now I realized, that no, that is not the case – I just need to pick up the phone or send an email. It is amazing what can happen when you put some effort in!

My Girls!!

Well, a very, very part-time one anyway. Remember I was talking about enjoying process and building organizations? Well, I have a part-time job with Blossom Family Center. It is a small gig, about 3 to 5 hours a week, but I am sure I will volunteer way more than that. I am basically an office manager. There is so much chaos to organize and i love that – files, office organization, enrollment and admissions processes, accounting.

I am already designing a database in my head for storing records and streamlining the enrollment process. I am dreaming of an on-line registration process. Oh, and I am completely ignorant when it comes to web software, but considering all I learned in constructing the web site and how well it turned out..well, I am pumped.

This is the first part of my wanting to do more, expanding out into the world, and reclaiming parts of who I used to be. And the great thing about this job is that is is something new for my resume. This job and projects I am starting up serve a dual role: fulfill my need to participate more in life outside our home, volunteering and helping orgs and finding ways to demonstrate my skills/learn new skills that can be added to my resume when and if I head back to work.

Remember that dream of wanting to run a non-profit? Well in lieu of a fancy degree, I am hoping that lots of practical experience and good references might get me somewhere in that quest.

Chris is concerned about me getting over-extended and rightly so. But I am always happiest running around like a chicken with my head cut off. The Blossom Family Center is run by a woman with 4 children so she totally understands the demands of family and is very flexible. Most of my work can be done from home which is nice.

Ah, employed again – it feels good.

For the longest time the best way I could describe my relationship with music was to describe how I wanted to listen to it. I wanted to drown in it. I could see myself completely underwater with earphones on. I was completely enveloped in sound, floating, sinking into the sonic goodness. I happened upon this site, Drowned in Sound, the other day and was excited to see that I am not the only one who feels that way.

These days the closest I can come to that feeling is having the music cranked up beyond reasonable levels in the car. I rarely find myself alone in the car, so the precious few times I do – it is heaven.

I had to drive down to Oak Hill today for a quick errand and wasn’t jazzed until I discovered an old favorite song, “Bittersweet Symphony” by the Verve. I start floating in the car the second the strings start in. It is as if I take off the facade of myself, and the whole person inside emerges. I am so powerful in that moment and full of ideas, confidence and creativity.

On the way home and on listen #6 (it is a 6 minute song), these words suddenly fly at me:

I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now

but I’m here in my mold , I am here with my mold
And I’m a million different people from one day to the next
I can’t change my mold

And there it is. I am still writhing in my mold, still trying to shake off some negative emotions that have me down. At the same time I am wanting to change, wanting to bust out of that mold. Wanting to take the amazing amounts of energy and creativity inside, all the different sides of me and work harder to find an outlet for all of them. I want to world to see those sides of me because it is as if until the world does, the world doesn’t really know me.

And boy was that energy flowing out of me today. I am trying to pay more attention to what is happening to me and what it means. For instance, I was thinking about how we had dinner with Kat and Steve two weeks ago. I haven’t seen much of Kat in ages and she mentions she is now teaching bellydancing for UT Informal Classes. And it hits me – I should take some bellydancing lessons. Crazy? Perhaps.. But wait, there is more!I was envisioning crazy goddess ceremonies for the upcoming winter solstice. I was thinking henna tatoos and dancing to music around a bonfire in the cold of the night. A Mama has to let loose sometimes. We have to get in touch with that wild child that remains under the weight of the responsibility that comes with raising children.

The universe is pushing me out of my comfort zone. I like to settle in a place and stay, well, indefinitely. I feel like the universe is telling me to move on. The next chapter is opening up. I am leaving the baby days, my kids are getting older and my focus can begin to shift a bit.

I am just taking stock right now. Taking a line from a friend, positivity begets positivity. Just flow to where the opportunities lie (I will tell you about one in my next post!). My wise, wise friend Wendy says that the right path is easy. When things are hard, they just aren’t meant to be.

My focus has been to narrow lately. Life is all around me and so are my friends. And as I open my eyes and put in some effort on my part, I am rediscovering all these amazing people who have been around me for years. The people who know me best and really, have always been there. The more I keep opening myself up to the world, taking risks, putting myself out there, the more creative outlets open up. And the ideas are flowing like crazy right now. Maybe I am just ready for a change for once in my life.. I don’t know. Maybe it is just a temporary high! :-p

Regardless of what it all means – I am in a good place. The kids start school soon, we have vacations coming up… And the best thing of all is that my favorite time of year, autumn, is just around the corner!

I am here in my mold..I CAN change…I feel free now….

It is the conclusion of a really great week! The kids slept in late and with no food in the house, we later enjoyed a breakfast of tacos at Taco Shack. Then I got to do my Friday Home Blessing – changed sheets, tidied up the house and vacuumed.

First Trip to the Dentist

Today’s big adventure was Tyler’s first trip to the dentist. They did a full cleaning on his teeth and even sanded down his chipped tooth. That was on his request – he told me on the way to the dentist that we wanted his pokey tooth to be like all the others. He was a bit nervous, but overall did great.

He has been carrying around his dentist goody bag everywhere – it contains a mirror, sand timer, dental floss and a tiny toy camera and watch he got from their treasure chest. He would have been happy without the last two items, but I guess that is just how things are done now.

As I expected, remembering friends re-telling their kids first dentist encounters, he played and talked about the dentist all day. It was a really good experience and they had us in and out pretty quickly. Maybe the next visit in 6 months will be Quinn’s first..assuming she has all her teeth by then.

Grocery Strategies

My grocery shopping went well today. I employed two new strategies this time. See, my kids have been going to the store with my every Friday afternoon for like a year now. They know the drill and usually it is a very pleasant experience. However, the last two times were well, hell. The kids were fighting in the car cart, throwing tantrums at the floor- it was insane. So, this time I spent about 30 minutes chasing and tickling Tyler and sometimes Quinn all over the house before we left trying to get some of that energy out. I also went and got them some food at the beginning of our trip – something that would take them a while to eat, bagels. It worked really well. They were *much* calmer today and Mama was much happier.

New Recipes..

I did go $20 over my budget, but considering I bought oil and dishsoap and splurged on wine, ice cream, an extra container of strawberries, locally-made cheese (way pricier), and pecans – well, I did really well. And I am trying tons of fun new recipes, so I kind of put a blind eye to the budget, so again, I was really surprised at how well it went. Our diet is a strange one – kind of vegetarian, kind of vegan. I am trying more vegan recipes these days. This week I am looking forward to testing Ranch Potato and Zucchini Tacos, Vegan Nachos (it has a nacho sauce made with cashews..and cashews usually yield delicious, creamy sauces), Mango and Black Bean Salad with Strawberry Dressing and Tequila Chili Lime Tofu.

Dessert and Dish

I kind of had my first one last night with my dear neighbor. She walked over for wine and ice cream around 9:30pm. We sat on my driveway and enjoyed the amazing breeze that was blowing that night. She kindly let me talk her ear off about the neighborhood and other things. It is so rare I get to have adult conversation sans kids, so I tend to get a little excited! :-p We are going to expand the idea to the neighborhood inviting more Moms over and see how the idea catches on. We are hoping it will be a big hit. It should be – walk from your house over to mine, get out for a late night treat, have some wine and chocolate with other Moms and just chill and chat. I am always up for that!! It was really nice – thanks again for coming over Cheri!

Not really – but there are moments where the living is easy and I inhale those as deeply as I can. And if I can capture that image for myself, it really helps put this whole journey into perspective. I kept thinking that July would be a long month for us, but so far it seems to be zooming by. The kids are starting their school a month later than I thought, so we ended up with this extra time. I am going to try to blog fairly regularly this month to help me stay grounded in the good moments, the growth, and appreciating what a gift my children are.

Last week was a tough one for me in so many ways and was a kick in the pants of sorts. It got my creative juices flowing – ok, I want change, so what am I going to do? Take my anger and do something positive with it.

I mentioned before that I have been writhing to get out of my shell. I want to shed my skin. I want to be on a different road. I am ready to let go of some stuff, reclaim parts of me that have lain dormant, and finally get in touch with sides of me that only exist in daydreams. If I dream it, I can be it. I am tired of finding all the reasons why I can’t do something. Why is it that I can only be accomplished and great in my head?

I love working on the house and my projects here, but I love service and I need to get back to that. In the next few weeks I will share a few things I have cooked up and will be slowly rolling out. Some things may fizzle out and some things may take, but hey, I don’t know until I try and put myself out there.

Oh, and I know about me and plans..remember this? I guess it makes me seem flaky, but I think the universe simply steers me. I put my thoughts and questions out there and see what happens. As I have more experiences and encounter more people on this road, my path becomes clearer. At this point, I have decided against going back to school. I don’t think the path I mention in that earlier post is the right one for me. I love building organizations, I love structuring chaos, I love helping people, I love process, and in general I love building things. I need to stay true to who I am and I will find my calling.