What a crazy day!  We had a party with all our friends today.  The first time in a long time that all the Superfriends have been together.  It was so cool to hear Tyler tell his Grandma, “all my friend were there”, when she asked who was at the party.  It was also so cool when Tyler told me, “I like it quiet”  after we got home and Quinn took her nap.  Me too, buddy.   Tyler had a blast trick or treating as did Quinn.  She was loving carrying around her pumpkin..and people giving her stuff to put in it???  Well that was just cool in her book.    Tyler was on the porch with his Daddy and would literally scream “tirck or treaters!!!” with excitement and then run down the driveway AND the sidewalk to the trick or treaters telling them “we have candy for YOU!!!”   If you didn’t know, Halloween is Daddy’s favorite holiday, and he was pleased as punch to see his son sharing that enthusiam for this holiday.

Oh, and Tyler was a mailman and Quinn was a spider.  Tyler got the mailman idea from Mr. McFeely on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.   Quinn was originally to be a ladybug, but Tyler told me that she needed to be a spider because we called her “Spider Quinn” all the time.  He was right - so a spider she was!!

Quinn and Tyler are very different in some respects.  Tyler will wake up in the morning or would wake up from a nap (back when he did that) and would always cry for or call you.  Rarely does he just get out of bed on his own..he wants us to come and get him. 

For months now, when I heard Quinn wake up from her nap and went to get her, I would find her at the edge of the bed.  I always though that one day she would figure out how to get down and will be the kid that runs out to find us. 

Sure enough, today I was upstairs with my Dad and Tyler.  I hear Quinn and head down the stairs.  The crying was really loud and was close-by.  And sure enough, here comes Quinn, tears coming down her face, looking for me.  Poor sweetie!  She was wanting to know where the heck we all were!

All you see around the house these days are piles of sweatshirts, sweaters, pullovers, hats and gloves trying to keep up with the temperature of the hour.  I start off the mornings in sweaters and wanting to wear my gloves and by 2pm, I am ready for a t-shirt and shorts.  Then the sun starts to set around 6pm and is starts to cool off again has me thinking about putting jeans back on.  And by the time the kids are asleep, I am freezing in our house as our windows are open. 

It is all about layering and convertible pants!  :-p   Our coat hanger is also down since I am still in the middle of that wallpaper stripping project which is on the backburner at the moment.  This just means more piles!

Emotional intelligence is a big deal for me with Tyler because he is a male.  Typically men are not encouraged to express themselves and connect with how they are feeling.  This feeds into a lot of issues later on in life.  I have spent a lot of time trying to get Tyler in tune with what his body is feeling and trying to give him as many words as possible to express himself.  Not just mad, but also frustrated, upset, angry, sad, nervous, excited, and happy.  He will straight up tell me that “I am very tired, Mommy” or that “I have a lot of energy today”.  Recently, he has made some very mature emotional observations and connections, and it blows me away.

• He was on an adventure with a trusted family member.  They went and picked up his wife who Tyler hadn’t spent as much time with lately.  Tyler turns to the famly member and says, “She makes me nervous, I don’t know her very well.”   Um, jaw on floor moment here.  I was amazed that we was able to assess those feelings in his body, put a name to them and then express them to the family member.  That to me was really amazing.  It is one thing to do it to Mommy, but another adult…that is great.  Our son in incredible,  heck, overly social and outgoing, but still, feeling can be hard to communicate.

 

• Today Quinn woke up from her nap, so I sat in the rocker to nurse her.  Tyler was in the room, but then left to go play in the living room.  After about 5 minutes, I hear him calling me, “Mommy, Mommy, where are you?”  Quinn and I went out to go see him.  Tyler tells me, “I didn’t know where you were and sometimes I get lonely.”   Again, I was really excited to see how he could communicate that feeling to me.

 

• He will just come out and say, “I am so sad about x.” or “x really frustrated me.”   I remember going to a Blossom workday, our waldorf parent/child class, before school started.  In the car on the way home Tyler says, “I am so sad we didn’t have brown rice snack.”  I had no idea he had this expectation in his head and it was so cool that he could let me know he was bummed out about it. 

Tyler is a lot like me and the older he gets the more I understand him.  I totally get it.  And I am also excited that out little boy feels so comfortable feeling and expressing himself.  The other day we were coloring and I was getting him to put colors to his emotions.  What color do you feel right now?  He was totally getting into it.  Hmmm, maybe with some of our next art projects, I should incorporate that.  I also need to read Raising Cain, which I hear is an excellent book on raising boys.

Anyway, I just had to share these amazing moments.  Chris and I continue to be blown away by Tyler.  Not every kid is showering their parents, siblings, pets and whatnot with “I love you’s” the way he does, so we are really lucky to hear those sentiments from him.  He wears his heart on his sleeve and it is really sweet.  Just the other day, he announced that he was also “my boo”. For the longest time if I called him my boo he would respond, “I am Daddy’s boo.”   But now he said that he was “both of our boos”.  Yay, upgrade for Mommy!  :-p

If only I could remember write down all that he says these days….it is all so fleeting.  Such is the way of parenting I guess.

So often times as a mother I am examining how I screwed up.  There are days though, where I feel like I got it right.  The other day was so cool!  Tyler was trying to catch a beetle of a leaf and we were having to leave.  I let him attempt to catch it suggesting gently that maybe the beetle wants to stay here with his friends.  Tyler then attempts a stick and the beetle runs off under a fence where Tyler can see him, but not get to him.  Meltdown ensues.  The conversation went loosely like this:

“You are really upset because you were trying to hard to catch that beetle!”

“Yeah” {cry}

“He ran off and that made you so mad!”

“yeah, he ran so fast!”

We talked a little bit more about the beetle.  I asked him what he wanted to do with the beetle if he caught him and he said he wanted to take him home.  I then say maybe we need to get a little bug home for bug friends that we catch.  He liked that idea.  Then he runs up to the Mom of the friend who came with us and said,

“I was trying to catch a beetle, but he ran so fast.  I am really frustrated about it.” 

And then walked on playing with her daughter.  I mean I totally talked him down.  Validated emotions, connected with him, fantasized about what we would have done had we caught the beetle, though about ideas for the future and then he was totally a-okay.  It was so textbook and I felt really great about it.   I saw that same Mom at the park the next day and when she heard me recounting the story to another friend commented that she was really impressed with how I talked him down.  It was a great feeling - I nailed it right on the head!  Instead of being in the defensive position, I was on the offense, confident and ready to handle the situation. 

I am enjoying this new phase of his because it is more annoyed whining then tantrum.  Usually we only hit tantrum if he is really tired and even then I have become really good at talking him down.  I love it.  And I love validating his emotions because to genuinely do it, I have to understand where he is coming from in the first place.  Instead of getting angry, I get where he is at and can commiserate with him.

Tyler and I have been in a beautiful rythm together lately. I don’t know if he is just in a good place right now, if I am getting better at my job, if our rythms are solidified, if it is because Quinn is napping again, if its the great weather or a combination of all of it or none of it.  Nevertheless, this is a really nice place to be.

During the Texas summer heat, I fantasize about the cooler weather and all the things we will do because the mosquitos will be gone or less active and the heat will no longer be a deterrent to the fun.  One of those things was painting at the table in the backyard.  Yesterday, I made good on that promise.

Now, with art and toddlers you immediately have to set the expectation that this may last all of 5 minutes eventhough it took me 10 minutes or more to get set up.  Another thing is the creative ways in which toddlers want to make art.  I am still working out the kinks such that I am not constraining the process too much.  Today went pretty well, although I had to step in when Tyler was unscrewing the lids to the paint bottles and wanting to pour the paint.  Apparently, he was wanting to open the lid, but had trouble flipping it up..so why not just unscrew the thing??  I get it - problem solving, but we are still not pouring out the paint that way!  :-p

It was a nice moment and cool to see the kids doing something together.  The wind was blowing hard that day and blowing the kids papers.  Tyler kept yelling at the wind, “Wind stop it!  Go away wind!”  When I asked him if he prefers indoor or outdoor painting he said , “indoors because there is no wind.”  He was also painting his hand and making hand prints, which got me thinking that would be a fun next thing to do.  I just have to do a better job of dressing him…I think a second artist smock is a must! 

Tyler starts off with the brush and makes a really cool work of art

Before long, the hands are involved and the table and paper are soaked with paint.  Yes, yes - art is fun!!