Alyssa, get out here -dance your ass off!  Lose control!  Get lost in the club, move to the music and just be.  Oh, God - I miss her.  Put me in a car at night with the right music and she is there.  It is like I visit her then.  Almost two and a half years of being a Mom and I want to just have a night or two where I can visit those parts of me who have been laying dormant.

I questioned if this is some sexual peak thing - I mean I am 3 years shy of 35.  But I have a body I want to move, I have a being I want to let out.  I want to assert myself in so many ways, I want to have intellectual conversations, I feel so incredibly powerful right now, but am powerless to use it.  Does that make sense?  Yeah - I feel like a caged animal.  And the longer I feel caged, the naughtier I want to be.  I went out for drinks with a friend a few Friday ago and was drunk after two glasses of wine - so sad!

The dancing thing kills me.  I am listening to BT’s Blue Skies featuring Tori Amos right now.  Got - get me to a dance floor.  Sad thing is - all the clubs around here suck.  So what is my fantasy?  For one night to create my own dance club.  It would play all the great music that I love to dance to - none of that booty crap.  It would be a place where me and my friends could let loose and not look out of place or like we are too old to be there. 

Someone tell me why dance is supposed to only be for young people..or at least that I the feeling I get.

Back on topic.  I keep thinking - 6 to 8 more months and I can leave without fear of a child waking up and specifically needing ME.  And for a while, I will abuse this - I know I will.  And it isn’t about dates with my huuby - it is about getting out with my friends, dancing and just being out at night.  And there will be dates with my hubby too…he won’t be left out. 

I guess it is my individuality that is needing attention.  Me without a husband and kids attached to me.  The power of my individual self.  I need to reconnect with myself and know that there are parts of me that are still there.  That I haven’t completely lost myself in motherhood. 

Really, it is all still far away, but it getting closer and I am very excited.  And I know that I am lucky, lucky that I as a Mom and will be able to get back to that place - I don’t think all Moms get that luxury…