Ok, before I buzz off, let’s come back to center shall we?  That was a little crazy, so let’s breath and imagine ourselves in nature. 

Here is another one of my hubby’s fantastic shots to help.  This is another shot that he doesn’t think much of that I just love.  It is simple and beautiful. He took it on a hike to Wild Basin, a lovely nature preserve right here in the middle of the city. 

I feel that I nwws to go through his raw images and tag things.  He is so critical that he often sets aside some really nice shots and I have to lobby for them to be included in the “selected shots” set. 

Anyway, enjoy, breath, relax.

What a night!  I sent Chris to this class,  Toddler 101: Bonding, Boundaries, Brain and Behaviour – The Ins and Outs of Your Growing Toddler, given by my book study leader (the book study is now over).  Anyway, Tyler has been pushing Chris’ buttons and Chris has been losing more patience with him, so I thought it would be good.  When we can see the forest and what is going on with our kid, we are better able to deal with his behaviour.   By understanding what is underlying his actions , we can be more proactive as not react in ways that are less productive.   Also, I am tired of being the one trying to tell Chris about stuff I learn and him be skeptical about it (my impression anyway).  The class was tonight at 7pm, so I couldn’t really go if I wanted to.

Anyway, it is up to me to get the kiddos to bed.  No big deal, right?  Quinn in usually asleep by 6:45pm (when Chris would have to leave) anyway.  Well, Quinn got a wild hair up her butt, and decided to put Mommy in the pressure cooker tonight.  She would not go to sleep!  At one point, she was laying between Tyler and I (Tyler’s suggestion) and I was reading Quinny “her” books.  We read like 4 or 5 and then I tried to put her down again.  This was about 7:15pm.  Mind you, Tyler hasn’t napped and so he is getting tired and is ready to hit the hay.

Well, at this point I am mad.  Quinn and I have a pretty strong attachment and we are pretty connected.  Ah, tonight we were out of sync and were mad at each other.  When I was rocking her in the dark, I could feel her reaching up to touch my face.  She was upset as I was withdrawn and I know she picked up on my anger.  Finally I thought, what the hell, maybe we can all fall asleep together.  No dice, both kids didn’t like that.

So I left Tyler telling him I had to go get her to bed and would come back when Quinn was asleep.  She was mad at first, but I started singing “Twinkle, Twinkle” and rocked her and she FINALLY went to sleep – at 7:45pm people!!  Poor Tyler gave up on me and fell asleep.  Which may seem cool, but I like laying there as he falls asleep and snuggling him.

Usually, this wouldn’t even be a big deal.  While Chris would be putting Tyler down, she and I could play upstairs until she was tired.   But this ONE night, I needed the dance to go like it always does – her asleep and then Tyler – and we all got two left feet tonight or something.  Anyway, they are asleep – thank God!

I hope Chris enjoys the class and gets good information, so this craziness was worth it.  I better check on Tyler – I didn’t want to go into his room and chance rousing him if he was not all the way asleep yet….   Yeah, he is out.

Even given what just transpired, I am still in my good place.  Don’t know what Tyler’s illness is- he had 2 diarrhea poos, but hasn’t had any since.  Maybe something he ate?   We will see how he is when he wakes up.  If he is fever free and can poo near “normal”, we may head to the park tomorrow.  I guess I am feeling more comfortable that it might be something he ate.  Dunno.   Today he was fine with the exception of the diarrhea.

Okay - off to get stuff done.  I plan to really hit the hay early tonight.  It is hard to complain about being sleep deprived when I am going to bed after 10PM knowing full well that Quinn will be awake between 5:30 and 6am.

So I don’t know that I wrote much about our Christmas. We were in San Antonio for 5 days. It was crazy as both kids were sick, I was pooped,it was raining which kept us indoors, and Tyler was in a pretty icky place. We did find the bright spots in which to enjoy ourselves and made the best of the situation. Here are some fun pictures of Tyler Christmas morning. You won’t see any of Quinn as she slept through Christmas morning.

The Five Steps to Opening a Gift – as demonstrated by Tyler

1st step, enjoy the fun of unwrapping, er tearing into a gift!	2nd step: the “bring closer for inspection” part
3rd step: Recognition!! I know what this is!	4th step: Check the gift out!!
5th step: The typical “show us what it is/show it to the camera” request from the parents!

Around 3:30pm is when  he started getting ill.  Poor guy was crying outside the door while I was putting Quinn to sleep.  I have started giving him a “bag of books” for him to read through while I do this.  These are books that only come out while I am putting Quinn to sleep.  Actually today I thought if the time permitted, I should wrap them like presents – then he has the fun of opening something too.  Time permitting , of course.

Anyway, he usually like this and is fine.  I knew he needed me and therefore knew I had to get Quinn to sleep so I could give him the attentiong he needed.  Good thing because I held him snuggled on the couch for the better part of an hour.  We then watched a Thomas show and he just slowly fell asleep on the couch.

He woke up still very lethargic.  He had a fever of 102.2.  We put him to bed and did give him a little Tylenol.  We will see what tonight and tomorrow brings.  The crummiest part is that we had fabulous park playgroups to attend which we haven’t been to in what feels like ages because of the ice and rain.  Such is life I guess.

Selfishly, I was telling my friends that I don’t mind this illness where he is lethargic and just wants to lay on the couch and snuggle.  The more frustrating sickness is when he appears completely healthy, but I know he is sick and contagious.  That bites because there are great playgroups at which we could have fun, but we are quarantined, and I still have a toddler with energy to burn cooped up in the house.

We will see what tomorrow brings.

I want to note the day – it was Tuesday, January 23rd “the shift” happened in case this does end up being something profound.

What is different? It is hard to explain. These last two days everything hasn’t seemed like a burden. Parenting seems possible and even lots of fun! I do not feel overwhelmed nor do I feel in control, I feel like I am going with the flow, but have enough control to steer back on course of needed. I don’t feel angry and am easily able to quiet those thoughts. A day without a plan doesn’t scare me. I feel like I am in a place I have been searching for. I feel very attuned to my children and myself. I feel like a great parent right now – very confident in my ability to handle whatever my children throw at me.

And it isn’t like I just had the best days of my life or anything. I am fairly sleep deprived right now. Maybe it is because Tyler has been sleeping so much and waking up later in the morning giving me and hour+ before he gets up? Quinn is up,but I can still fold laundry, get a shower, and make breakfast. Maybe my hormones and other chemicals have finally settled down?

At any rate, I hope I stay here. I feel very balanced and in the”middle”. That is key because I am a high or low kind of person and usually don’t have a middleground. Anyway, this is new and I really like it.

He just said this to me while eating some muesli. I’m constantly amazed by what he recognizes – like how’s he know that? He has had pumpkin seeds for snacks, but I never think that he could then pick one out when mixed with oats, raisins, etc. When did he figure that out? This stuff blows my mind every single day – he is a sponge. God, I only wish my brain still worked as well…..