Usually I am not a big fan of words because they can hurt. Lately though, there have been a couple of words that I am becoming good friends with. Words that feel good and actually have a relaxing affect over me.

“Rest your body” is one. I talk to Tyler about resting his body when it is time to sleep. I just love this statement. It is such a nice way to look at sleep - such a healthy, wonderful peaceful thing to do.

“Healthy choices” is another. It forces me to be accountable for the decisions I make for myself. That phrase allows me to catch myself when I am starting to martyr and assert my needs clearly.

“Pathways” is a new one that I heard from my friend, Susan tonight. Our families seem to always run into each other. At Target, at Central Market, at restaurants, at the Riverwalk in San Antonio, and tonight at the city’s First Night celebration for New Year’s. I was trying to explain it as some kind of magnetic thing, and she said that she thinks we just take the same pathways. Yes, of course. We gravitate to the same paths and hence see each other on them often. It conjures up a great image of people meanandering on paths through their lives and seeing those paths that run alongside eah other, those that cross often and others that never do.

I am in such a great headspace right now. There is no judgement, no beating myself up. Life is just what it is. We are continuing to clean out the house. The theory being that our messes will be more manageable if there is less stuff. We still have a lot of work to do, but I think slowly, but surely we will get to every drawer, cabinet and closet.

We are trying to simplify our lives. Of course, I realized that my life will never be simple. I want to save the world after all and you can’t have a simple life with aspirations like that. I will end up working for some cause and I will put my all in it. And there are so many facets to the life I want - too many. I want to be a Mom, I want to bake and clean and care for my home, I want to have a professional career doing something with business processes and technology, I want to hold an office on a school board or city council even, I want to work for a non-profit for single moms and families, I want to be a wife, I want to be a dancer in my spare time, I want to have time for crafty things and to take classes. That is a lot of stuff to fit into a life.

So my life can never have the laid back flow I would like because I try to cram so much into it. Interestingly, this time, as chaotic as it can be with kids, may be the most laid back because I am so focused on my one job as a Mom.

We will see how it unfolds. At any rate, I enter 2007 with hope, excitement, enthusiasm, and a feeling of opportunity. I think Chris and I may stay up until midnight - we have the fireplace on, some football on TV and are enjoying some coffee drinks right now made with Baily’s Irish Creme and Creme de Menthe. Yummy! I even whipped up some whip cream for them. Anyway, I am researching for our trip to Steamboat Springs this summer, so need to get back to that.
Happy New Year to you!! May your year be full of much love, joy and most of all laughter.

I have to post this before I forget. So I put both kids to bed (well, Chris ended up laying for the last bit with Tyler), so Chris could watch the Alamo Bowl and enjoy his birthday with his best friend over to watch the game. Luckily, Quinn wanted to hit the hay super early, so that helped.

Anyway, I am reading books to Tyler and we turn off the light. We chat about the day and he is moving around getting comfortable. So we are having moments of chat and moments of silence. Anyway, at one point we snuggle close to each other and my head actually ends up on his tummy.

Tyler pats my head and starts saying, “Have good day mommy? Have fun today Mommy?” in this sweet sing-song voice. I told this to Chris later and he started cracking up because he said that is what he does when he turns out the light - he pats Tyler’s head and asks him if he had a good day.

My sweet, sweet boo. He amazes me and scares me in how he takes things in and can recall and reuse the speech so quickly. He is a sponge. Just today in the bath he was telling me how Piper got an ouchie. Then he said, “Thomas hit Piper on the cheek. Sorcha (Thomas’ Mom) saying ‘Oh, baby’” I was taken aback by how specific he is getting. The other day we were eating turkey, and he picked it up and said “pork”. Usually, I think he says something because I tell him and he just repeats it. I fail to remember that after that happens, his brain makes a little record for him to save and recall when needed.

When reading books he asks for “haunted mine” book. He looks on a page with Thomas the Train stickers and says “James! Another James! There are two James on there!”

Chris says he loves it when Tyler says “Look at this, Daddy! Look at this!”

It seems like overnight I am having conversations with my son. It is so awesome and so freaky. Now I know what he sees, what he experiences, what makes him nervous, sad, or mad. I can tell not only by his non-verbal reaction, but his verbal one. We are trying to talk a lot about feelings these days - how do you feel, you might feel x, does that make you x trying to give him a vocabulary to use to express himself.

At the same time, he is way, way more aggressive with Quinn now. I don’t know if it is because she is bigger and not as fragile or if it is a cause and effect thing or if he is jealous. We will see how it plays out. Life gets back to normal soon for us which is a good thing. I still have so much else I want to recount, but so little time - hell it is 11:21pm right now. Oh, I am still in a great mood by the way…have to talk about that too.

I just found a paper with more “Tylerisms” on it.

• “There’s water on the grass”
• “Down the big hill, down big hill so fast”
• “Ambulance help people too”
• “Do, Do, Do. Pop sings do, do, do”

…and my personal favorite

• “I’m picking nose, picking boogers”

Oh, and I love that when he doesn’t know the word for something he will say “dit-dah”, which means tell me what this is. And if you ask him a question and he doesn’t know the answer he says “heh, ha” as in I don’t know. “Dit-dah” has been hanging around for a while - it is one of this things I will miss when it goes away.

That is my mantra for 2007.  Healthy choices for me, in my parenting, in my eating, in my relationships.  These words resonate with me and when I say them I feel a shift in my thinking almost immediately, because I inadvertantly know when something I am doing is unhealthy. 

So far, I have learned that healthy choices are hard and can be painful.  It can be hard to listen to criticism and not get defensive.  It can be painful even to admit my weaknesses.   Anytime I feel an emotion that is negative, I am starting to look at it and try to undertsand where it is coming from.  Why am I feeling that way?

I am looking at the new year as an opportunity.  I am going to take care of myself well.  I am going to be gentler and more forgiving of myself.  I am going to try to not view the world as being against me.   I realize that if I want to deal with the anger I have, I have to be assertive with my needs and work to get them met.  That is MY responsibility.  A lot of that anger comes because I am low resourced and haven’t been doing what I need to in order to handle the challenges of my job. 

I want there to be good energy in this house.  I want everyone in it to feel loved, safe, appreciated and respected.  I want all of us to have a space just for us. 

I find in my decluttering that old mental models make some things hard to get rid of and usually it is very easy for me to get rid of things.  But there are a few that tug at me.  I am working through that trying not to get in that ” I might need it” mode because that is no reason to keep it around.  In fact, I have to focus on the “does it make me happy?” question.  And stuff that sits for years in a box in my closet is not making me happy.  If I want to keep it, then it has to be out where I can see it and enjoy it.  Closets are for things like coats and vacuum cleaners - things that get pulled out and put back in with some frequency.

I also realize that my house will remain in a constant state of flux and will never be perfect.  It is more like it will be just right for that moment.  At some point, the office will be a kid’s room and maybe the now master bedroom will be an entertainment room.  The kids will want to change the paint, the curtains, etc.  I will someday decide that my kids are old enough and it is safe to replace the college furniture with “nice stuff”.  Change is good, it gives me an opportunity to affect the energy of this house when it has turned stale for whatever reason.

Clarity, direction and purpose are beautiful things.  I am in a good place.  I have so much I want to do, but that is always the case.  A litte at a time and it will get done.  Most importantly I need to keep my priorities straight and making healthy choices.

Quinn likes teethers- Tyler never took an interest.  My Mom got her one that vibrates when you bite on it - she LOVES it.  She will be gnashing on it and you will hear the zzz, zzz, zzz when she gets it to vibrate.  Kind of wierd, but I guess it must feel good on her teeth.

Quinn also loves rattles - another thing Tyler never took an interest in.  She has one arm, I think it is her right, that seems to fly up and down on its own sometimes.  Perfect for a rattle - she will rattle and bang happily away!

I LOVE cow’s milk.  I have tried goat’s milk and rice milk and almond milk and they are okay.  The other day I saw yogurt made out of goat’s milk and thought about trying that.  I do try to feed my family a healthy diet and think I do a very good job compared to the average American diet.  But when it comes to milk - I live cows.  Milk, butter, yogurt, and mmm….whipping cream…and double yum - ice cream!!  Maybe it is because I was brought up on it, but man - what good stuff!!

She has been practicing those consonants!  Her and our favorite is “et-dah!”.  Her chatting went into high gear during her fever.  I think she was trying to tell us about her fever and how icky she was feeling.  He babbling is so cute and we absolutely love conversing with her!

Tyler is talking and talking in a big way. He will hear something someone said and the next day will use it and use it correctly. It is eerie. He can tell you when you upset him - there is feedback now. Like he is not only watching me, but can tell me what he sees. It is a new phase and stage for both of us. I really have to pay attention to what I say, because those words and statements do come back to me through him.

- Chris was Christmas shopping for me with Tyler. They went into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a bath robe for me. Tyler saw the bras and told his Daddy, “boobs! boobs go in there!” Daddy was a little embarrassed….

- Tyler loves to make lists. In the car while heading to the Riverwalk he was looking out the window saying, “buildings and cars and Grandma and Pop..”. Driving home from San Antonio I heard him saying, “and Grandma and Pop and water tower and water falling”.

- Driving home again today, we hit Austin and I hear Tyler say, “I saw a railroad crossing for choo-choo train”. He also said somewhat randomly, “I chew banana, that’s good banana”

- Nursing Quinn to sleep I heard Tyler say, while playing in the sink, “I spilled water, Daddy. I spilled water on the floor.” I had a moment of panic thinking that Daddy wasn’t around, but thankfully he was.

- When we see something cool on the road like a digger, Tyler will often say “more digger” and I respond, “keep your eyes open and we might see another one”. The other day Tyler saw a digger and said, “Digger. Keep your eyes open, Mommy, keep your eyes open!”

- Last night when putting TYler to bed, Chris asked TYler if he wanted covers. Tyler responded, “need covers, feet cold”

- Tyler listend to the music we play in the car and starts singing to it. Today he said, “it’s just like Christmas” and “Santa brought me blues”. It is so funny, because you don’t realize that he is paying attention, but he is!

- Tyler was enamored with my parents’ clock because on the hour it played a song and turned. Anyway, if it went off and he was somewhere in the house, he would say, “I hear clock.” I was fascinated that he understood “hear”. He is also getting the pronoun “I” now.

- Last night, he was really tired after the Riverwalk. I was changing his diaper. He said “Mommy hold you”, so I held him. Then he said “get up Mommy”, so I stood up. He then said, “rocking chair”, so I rocked him in the rocking chair. It amazes me how he can now tell me exactly what he wants and gives me instructions.

- We will often ask Tyler “what are you doing?” Today he was outside playing when I asked him. He responded, “I doing outside!”