I am so tired today. I have been losing some sleep, but I didn’t think that much. Tyler is napping, but Quinn is up, so I can’t really take the nap I would like to. Tyler will be on an outing this afternoon with Chris’ parents, so IF she decides to take a nap during that, I probably will too.

God, my perspective has changed so much now that I have two kids. Finding time to clean house, write thank yous, and do the little things I do seems impossible some days. By the time the kids are both asleep - I am exhausted. Of course, I think back to when it was just Tyler and I remember feeling like I could get nothing done then. Again I have to ask myself - what was the problem? What was so hard with one kid? Geez - one kid and two people no less?? Kind of wish I could do it all in reverse, but that isn’t how life works now, is it?

It is just so funny. On the bright side, to some degree, Chris and I know better about so many things this time around that the ride seems less bumpy. There are definitely days, but first six weeks didn’t seem as crazy… I think most of the challenge this time is handling all the conflicts that arise because it is two kids and one mama.

I will say there are certain things I can’t wait for….like her to get to an age when she doesn’t cry in the car. That is one thing I will be happy to wave goodbye to as she gets older…

When Chris is travelling for work (which is rare, thank goodness) I always realize just how much I love him and how bland my life would be without him. I spend all week anticipating his return home and then he gets home and it is like the sparks sputter out. For whatever reason, the homecoming doesn’t live up to the hype. Maybe because I expect a more dramatic entrance - more excitement to see me. That same feeling of longing that I have had all week. It is sad.

When Tyler returns home from his grandparents however, his homecoming absolutely lives up to the hype. We can count on his face being totally lit up and his whole body being full of excitement and joy. It is so great!!! I think we adults could learn a thing or two from children and the way they handle there relationships. They hide nothing and wear their hearts in their sleeve. I always know where I stand with Tyler.

Just a thought….

Well, we are definitely entering the terrible twos with Tyler because the tantrums are here. At the same time, we are entering this fun, spectacular time when he plays and interacts and does the funniest things.

Tantrums - Like a Marriage
I was telling a friend that each day I experience all the emotions you would normally experience over a 5 month period if any relationship. We have tears, yelling, laughing, hugging and kissing and everything in between. It can be quite exhausting some days depending on my capacity to endure it all.

Tyler’s World
Tyler has started pretend play with his toys. I will find him in the hallway lining up his little people and animals and talking to them. It will be a while before I am able to have a window into this world of his. For now, I keep to myself and try not to interrupt or distract him as he seems to be having such a good time. It is so cute and fun to watch him….it is so amazing to me.

Here is a picture I took after he was done playin in the hallway. For the longest time, he sat in front of the bathroom door, lining up these people and animals talking to them. I don’t know where they were going or what they were doing - I hear a few familiar words, but don’t remember what they are now. All I get to see what is left behind below and am left to wonder what is going on Tyler’s World….

Tyler likes Shrek
We recently got a new computer, so Chris has been transferring software and testing out programs and peripherals. To test a DVD software, he popped in the Shrek 2 DVD. Tyler is playing in the office and asks to climb in his Daddy’s lap. He laid back, chilled out and watched about a half hour with his Daddy. We don’t do any TV with him in the house just yet, but it is neat to see that he is getting a little interest in movies. I think Chris had a good time chilling out with him.

Big Boxes are Fun
Of course, the computer box is now a playtoy for Tyler. He was climbing in and playing peek-a-boo the other day and I snapped some cute shots.

Tears and Snuggling with my Baby Girl
My sweet girl has a lot of gas - I need to figure out if it is something in my diet that is causing it. Our sweetie girl get so upset some nights. She can spend up to and hour and a half letting us hear it. It is nice at the end of that when I can lay down with her and nurse her to sleep and snuggle with her. She is such a sweetie and I hate to see her sad. She also is not very fond of the car. With Tyler, we are out and about often, so she gets dragged everywhere. I try to keep her dry and fed and keep outings to a minimum of one place and then home. As Tyler did, hopefully, she will eventually outgrow that and maybe even come to like it. Here is a picture of “Missy Girl” as we call her.

Potty Progress
..Maybe. I was just saying how our potty training was stalling out, when Tyler said potty and then went into the bathroom. I got him on the potty, read him two of his favorite books we keep nearby, and lo and behold - he went potty. We will see if it keeps up or if it is just a fluke. It is very exciting…I would really love for his to at least be daytime trained to a small degree by his second birthday.

Killing Time
Friday afternoon and the end of a long week. There was an hour before Chris got home, Quinn was taking a much needed nap, it was hot as hell outside and Tyler and I were bored. So I got out some flour, oatmeal and rice, put them in containers, stripped Tyler down to his diaper and put him in the tub with the stuff. The texture play lasted for about 15-20 minutes and then he seemed bored and wanted out. So of course I introduce water and we got another 25 minutes of enjoyment. As time went on, it became only about the water - but I figure that he got some good texture play in there. It did make a huge sticky mess though… Oh, and I don’t have any pics once the water was introduced. I was taking these photos with Chris’ camera since hte batter in mine was dead. Not wanting to jeopordize my marriage, I thought it wise to put Chris’ “other baby” safely away.. :-p

Today was a good day. It wasn’t an easy day nor was it a hard one - just a good day. We met Susan and Piper at the park and played for a while. I got Tyler to sleep in the Bob stroller (much for effective as the seat is in a reclined position) and Quinn asleep in the sling. Amazingly, Quinn stayed asleep after the walk and was asleep for about am hour! I had time to eat, clean and fight our house fly infestation (gross, gross, gross), and take a quick shower before Tyler woke up (Quinn up at this point hung out in the bouncy seat). Anyway, we spent the afternoon running around Petsmart and doing some shopping at Target. I got home, made dinner and Chris was home. It all worked really well.

Flies
I won’t go into it and I don’t know how it happened, but there is a fly genocide going on at our house and I bear no guilt about it. I see a fly and I try to kill it. Now the smart flies that hang out on the back door do get released back into the wild. We have a serious “keep the damn door shut and locked” policy now at the house. Tyler and the dogs can push the door open if it isn’t locked. I think that perhaps eggs were laid somewhere because I seriously doubt this many flies just flew in my house. Notice how I am not being specific about numbers - it is too gross to mention. I am amazed because it is not like you see flies swarming or anything - you just keep killing and killing and more appear. Anyway, I think my efforts today made a real dent into the problem and I think by Friday I the job will be done.

….that’s what friends and blogs are for..
So Chris’ best friend Charles, a loyal reader of my blog, called and asked if he and his wife could stop by. We said sure. He delivered a box of Chocolate Peppermint Luna bars to me!!! How did he know that I had JUST finished the box my friend Meredith gave me??? It definitely put a smile on my face!! I had mentioned in my blog about my love of Luna bars as a fabulous post-partum snack. Thanks you guys - I really, really appreciate it…especially at 3AM when I wake up starving every night!

Today is brought to you by the letters “Y” and “E”
So Chris has gotten Tyler on the Fisher Price website to learn the alphabet. They have this thing that goes through every letter and then beings the alphabet song. Tyler is especially fond of “Y” and “E”. Today while at Target he spied one of the large department signs (”Health/Beauty” I think), pointed and said “E”! He was so excited to see the letter! He is so hilarious!! I told him to find a “Y” and immediately he was on the hunt! Too much fun! Oh, and if he is in the office and happens to be throwing a tantrum - the alphabet song snaps him right out of it - thanks Fisher Price!

Choo-Chooooooo!
Apparently this is what Tyler was saying/singing at the top of his lungs at Terra Toys the other day when he encountered the train table. We are going to get him a train set for his birthday and are on the hunt for one on Craigslist and the Thomas wooden sets can be pretty pricey. I think he will spend hours playing with it based on what he does already. I can’t wait!!

Swimming Boy
Chris says that Tyler is really trying to swim a bit. When standing on the stairs he pushes off into the water while being supported by Chris. He tried to float in the bathtub and will kick his legs and arms. We are going to get him into lessons early next year. We are a little late for it this year and Chris has been so busy at work. Next year Quinn will be almost a year and we can just take everyone to do lessons at the same time. Fun stuff!!

OK, I have held off on making that assertion, but I think he made the coolest connection yesterday. I went to Starbucks and they handed me one of those coffee carriers with my coffee and snack in it. I gave the coffee carrier to Tyler to play with. The first thing he says is “coffee”. The second thing he says is “eggs”. He totally recognized that the carrier is made from the same material as egg cartons!

He is so quick to catch things. So there is the evidence - brilliant I tell you, brilliant! :-p

It has been an EASY day, thank God! Quinn napped from 11 tp 1pm, woke up to eat and has gone back out. My in-laws took Tyler on an adventure to the Austin zoo and returned him to me asleep! He got up at 5am, so he is way konked out right now. I haven’t had to do much today and have pretty much sat my butt on the couch and taken it easy. Every once and a while you need a day like this.

Apology to Chris
I didn’t realize but when talking about my birth, I usually offer the basic stats about labor and Quinn. I am always raving about my doula, but don’t always mention Chris. I didn’t realize, but he was feeling a bit diminished by this as if his presence didn’t matter. The truth is that through much of my active labor I was holiding onto him in some form or fashion. Most of it I was grabbing his shorts while laying on my side in the hospital bed. There is no one else I would have wanted to hold onto. He is my rock in every way and I couldn’t have had Quinn and gotten through my labor without him. There absolutely would have been a void in the story without his presence.

oops - Tyler is up - gotta go..

I am all over the place these days. Feeling a bit insecure. I have a blog entry titled “What Happened to the Funny Girl?” that I posted a month or two after Tyler was born. I think I could post that same thing right now - I guess that means that I get to blame in on hormones, huh? Dunno - sometimes I just wish I was someone else. I see other people’s senses of humor, intelligence, gentle patience,creativity, charm and wit and I just feel like a blah individual in comparison. I suppose that means I am having an identity crisis, because I should know who I am, ya know? Perhaps it is because my toenails aren’t painted, I haven’t worn makeup in weeks, my expensive haircut is dishoveled most of the time, and I stink and feel sticky/dirty because I was sweating from walking Tyler for a nap and/or playing in the heat for part of the day and haven’t had a moment to grab a shower. How can you feel fabulous with all that going on?

Dunno - maybe my blog just paints me as who I have always been - a really serious person. Many people always see my as silly and bubbly, but at the core I really am not. Maybe I think too much. Dunno - I have wonderful friends and people in my life, so I can’t be that blah of a person or why would they stick around?

Again, I get to blame this on hormones, right? And how long to I get to work that angle????

Living in the moment
Yesterday some of the Moms were talking about the fear of losing their child and how they felt about that. We want our children to be independent, but at the same time would die ourselves if something happened to them. I thought more about that and realized that as my kids grow, I will be like every other parent and crave those early moments with my kids that seem to have passed too quickly. This morning I had been up with both kids since 4am and “woke up” on the wrong side of the bed. I was cranky with Tyler and cranky with Chris and eventhough I snapped out of it after a little breakfast, the more I thought about it, the more I realize that when I am cranky or too focused on getting my house in order or being productive or so focused on the fact that Tyler MUST nap - I am missing out on sweet moments. When Tyler is going to sleep and fighting it or just not tired - he is really cute and does some funny things. I completely ignore those things because I just want him asleep. I think there are days I just need to give into the moments and enjoy them. If something ever happened to Tyler I know I would regret being so focused on the UNimportant things. I am a planner by nature and am always calculating my next move and setting expectations accordingly. The fact is that you just can’t do that with kids. I am going to try harder to enjoy the sweet moments I am given and not bat them away when they are unwelcomed or inconvenient to me and my plans.