Ug, after doing much research I am absolutely convinced that I have a sinus infection. Both sides of my cheeks and teeth are killing me. I went to the doctor Monday and because of my pregnancy, he didn’t want to give me anything. But it has gotten worse, mnoving from one side to my whole face and it seems my lingering cough is related.

I am going back to the doctor tomorrow and am hoping they can do something for me. Ug!!

Sorry I haven’t posted in so long. I have been exhausted after going on a week and a half of minimal sleep. Then last week all of us got sick. Tyler got better this past weekend, but Chris and I are still fighting off our colds. I actually went to the dentist yesterday because I thought that I had a toothache. Turns out my sinuses are so clogged up, they are causing my gums to ache!! I had no idea everything was so connected – fascinating actually.

Our little boy is learning new things every day and it blows my mind. He can now take the caps off of pens (can’t play with those anymore) and can open DVDs (they are not off-limits yet). Also, he has had these bath toys since he was 2 months where if you hold it under water it takes in water and makes this bubbling sound and when you bring it above water all the water it took in rains down from underneath. Tyler figured it out and knows how it works!! It is just wild that after months of floating in the bath he plays with them. Too cool!

One of the most hilarious things he has learned is how to turn on the fan in his room. You know when he is up from a nap because you will hear the whir of the fan. Here is the picture to show you what he does:

He has been pulling up on stuff for a litte more than three weeks and just started cruising about a week ago. It is need to watch him transition from one place to another. He has even stood by himself for a few seconds. I love to watch him hold onto something and then reach down to pick something up. The concentration on his face is priceless! Here is a pic of his on his tippy toes pointing at the clock on the DVD player:

A mommy friend recently posted her pre and post parenthood experiences. The one line that struck me is that overall with the exception of quitting her job, her life didn’t seen radically different….yet.

I found that interesting because I think Chris and I have had the opposite experience. I think for us it was a major putting on the brakes. He and I both were always going – we had our things to do lists and were always doing accomplishing something. We have had weekends, with child, where nothing got done and come Monday we are both a little grumpy about it. We have found ways to incoporate Tyler into some of our pre-baby lives like bike riding and hiking. I think it has been a slow process for us to accept our new reality and limitations. We have no regrets at all, but it is an abrupt change to the way you function. It takes time to accept that change and learn how to function with a child in your life and the constraints that brings.

Some of our most fun days are when we are so dog tired that we just lay on the floor and watch Tyler play. He gets so engrossed and he is so funny. Eventually, he will crawl over and play with us. I think those are the days we submit and as a result we have a lot of fun.

Well, Chris, my Dad, Charles and his wife, Laura went to see UT’s opening basketball game tonight. Tyler was exhausted from his day so he was out by 7:15pm. Very happy about that because I was pretty tired today.

On a bad day, I am envious of Chris’ opportunities to get away and have fun. There are basketball and football games to watch, happy hours, Star Wars, etc. Not that these happen that often, it is just that the same opporunities don’t materialize for me. Most of my friends are now saddled down with kids as well and there isn’t money to spend on shopping trips.

Tonight opened my eyes because a quiet evening alone is so nice. There are no distractions and I can really focus. When Chris is around I find it hard to do my own thing. So tonight was lovely. I watched a TV show getting dishes and other little chores completed on commercials and during the show I sent out emails for my neighborhood association. Now I am sitting in bed, listening to jazz blogging. It isn’t time away that I crave, it is time alone. I don’t want to be anywhere else,but cozied up in my house.

The weather is geting cooler and would love to hang out by the fireplace with a fire going, some tea and working on neighborhood stuff or keeping up with family and friends. Of course, this assumes that my child was cooperative and always went to bed this early. Oh, well – it just leads me to cherish the evenings that he does. Chris and I took advantage a few days ago and watched the third Harry Potter installment in preparation for our midnight viewing of the latest one….

It will be crazy and we will lose so much sleep to see the new Harry Potter. As i said a few posts ago – it is that passion for life we have to keep alive. If we have the opportunity to do something fun – we have to go for it. My Mom and Dad will be here for Tyler and are pretty used to his overnight routine. Looking forward to it…

This is pretty damn funny…..

as a previous blogger said: two chinese dudes + The Back Street Boys + Google Video

Equals this.

Our little boy is one year-old today. I can’t believe itl I really can’t. This whole year has been such a blur. It has been a kalidescope of experiences and emotions. Tyler is an amazing little boy with a smile that can melt the roughest exterior. He interacts with his world more and more everyday. We hold our breath more and more as he attempts to stand up everywhere and risks more bonks. He is so amazing and such a joy.

Hard to believe that before we know it, we will be doubling the fun!! Hope all you guys have a great day!

Uhhhh…somedays I need to accept that I am a mother and there is a great deal of responsibility that comes with that. Usually, this is not a problem for me except on the days where I perceive myself as “screwing up” or on days where “I just don’t want all that damn responsibility”. Those are days my husband is receiving the brunt of some divison of labor rant because I feel he should do more. I know this is one of the main arguments new parents have. Part of me feels ashamed that I still have this argument after one year of parenthood. You think at somepoint I would figure out what is at the root and address it. One thing is that I am very poor at asking for help directly. And I expect to always get service with a smile from Chris when I should just be happy he will help out even if he grumbles a bit. It is all stuff I know – there are just days where I still regress and have to whine about it. I feel bad because it very unproductive for our relationship. He doesn’t like being barked at and neither do I.

Nostalgia
I am so nostalgic sometimes. The other day I saw a college girl (I assumed from her looks she was a college student) running and I just got chills. I felt electric just thinking about freedom we had. The world was our oyster and we lived and had fun. Chris and I have a good bit of history in college – and I get chills thinking about it. Sometimes when I am upset with him, I will go an listen to music that takes me back to those days. And it doesn’t take long for me to be that girl with this huge crush on this boy. And to this day I still have a crush on him. I hate that I allow the stupid stress of everyday life (laundry, dishes, selfish wants, etc) get in the way of our beautiful relationship. We have been through 10 years of adventures and have enjoyed them all – kids should be no different. There are days I just need to pull my head out of my butt and look at the forest instead of one stupid tree. Because I will start a fight about that one damn tree – it isn’t worth it.

Who takes me back?
My life seems to be all about music – it all takes me back to places and times or puts me in a certain mood. Here is a short list.

1. Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Chris and I started dating a few weeks before Valentine’s Day which on course made that holiday awkward. For Valentine’s he put together a little scavenget hunt and at the end I found a card and this CD. Smashing Pumpkins was one of his favorite bands at the time

2. Dave Matthews – Crash

Chris and I spent a summer interning in Dallas and Fidelity Investments. I would say that this is where our relationship really took off. The Crash CD has come out that Spring (I had gifted it to Chris) and we listening to it endlessly. Of course, Crash became our song and we danced to it at our wedding. A line from the song, “so lost for you”, is what I had inscribed in Chris’ ring.

3. Big Head Todd and the Monsters

One of my favorite bands. Their music is so chill and is always great for a “date night”. Chris took me to see then two years ago on Valentine’s. He then found the concert on-line and made a CD so I could relive the experience anytime. We actually got to see them again that year – it was so cool!!

4. O.A.R., John Mayer, and Black Crows

Chris and I took an amazing trip to Colorado the year before I was pregnant with Tyler. Music by any of these artists has me back in the Mustang on the road driving all over Colorado with Chris. Good times!

5. R.E.M – all of it

Chris LOVES REM and I have fallen in love with them too. God – this band dots our whole relationship. Road trips to Houston, hanging out here and there – there is so much.

Anyway – that is a short list. Sometimes I need to listen and just remember the good times and get those good vibes going. Let the anger go and remember just how much I love this person. Anger gets me nowhere – it is destructive all around. It is rare to find someone who you know will be dedicated to you for the rest of your life – so why would you abuse that person and take them for granted? The one person who you know will ALWAYS be by your side. Anyway – taking a litte road down memory lane this morning through music and getting a little teary-eyed.

I get so worried that being a Mom will kill Alyssa and that I will lose myself. Really I just have to live and have the passion for living life that Chris and I have had for the last 10 years. If I spend my time freaking out that the lauundry wasn’t done and why didn’t Chris do it – well, I will die. It won’t be the fact that I am a Mom, it will be the fact that I am being small-minded and shallow. Our children, while they seem to be hindrances sometimes, will actually teach us even more about having a passion for life. They are not jaded and are going to show us a world so amazing and beautiful. My life with Chris has been so beautiful, with all the ups and downs. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The next ten years will be just as beautiful, with crazier ups and downs I am sure, but nonetheless – worth it all in the end. There are just days where I need to remember all this. Anyway – the one nice thing about work – I do have some time to pause….

It’s not like if angels
Could truly look down
Stir up the trappings
A light on the ground
Remind us of what, when, why or who
The how’s up to us
Me and you
And now is greater than the whole
Of the past
Is greater and now she knows that.

R.E.M – Reveal – She Just Wants to Be