Well - I am back to work 15 hours/week. Everything worked out with the aforementioned situation by the way. I have been so busy that I barely find time to post. Tyler was up all day yesterday…Daddy has Tyler duty tonight as I needed some personal time.

So I am positive that I am NOT meant to be a stay at home Mom. Back at work, I am clicking right back into place. I really enjoy it. The modified schedule it great to. I get my work fix and am still home in time to have plenty of time with Tyler. I am not against staying at home by any means - just for me and my sanity - I need that social outlet.

Tyler is “waking up”
He is getting so aware and it is sooo fun!! He smiles, giggle and coos!! These are the things that make it sooo worth it. I love the noise he makes after a sneeze, his squeal of delight when he sees something he loves and his sighs. I just melt! He is really aware of his surrounds and will just examine everything around him. He absolutely loves celing fans - it is like one giant mobile to him I guess.

Tyler Pics
Chris has added some more black and white photos of tyler. You can click in Tyler’s album and click on “Mother & Baby” or use this shortcut. The new photos are after the last color photo.

Can’t Organize Chaos
I realize that I spend my life trying to organize chaos whereever I find it. It is so difficult to accept that at this stage of Tyler’s life - there can be no routine and no organization. For Tyler, not at this stage anyway. I have to be flexible and realize that some days the house will not get clean and x, y and z will not get done. Sounds easy enough, but it has been hard for me.

Where are the honest, open and supportive mommies?
I may sound like I am depressed about having a kid. I am not - I love being a mommy. I just wish more people would be honest and open about how hard it is and there are days where the baby is crying his eyes out and you have nothing left. You just want to hand him over and say “you fix this”. Additionally, Moms can suck. I had a friend who wore her 7-week old baby to a party (it was okay for the baby to be there). My friend was so excited about her sling. Some Mom within 10 minutes said “So what are you going to do when she is 5 years-old and can’t walk because you carry her all the time?” How nasty is that? If Piper can’t walk at 5 is it her problem anyway? What does she care? The baby at the time was only 7 weeks!!!

Yeah, among ourselves we may criticize various philosophies, but I wouldn’t tell some Mom to her face she was screwing up her kid. Especially one with a baby that young - hell, you can’t really do much wrong in the first 3 months (thank God!!)

I wish Moms would just be supportive. If you think someone is screwing up their kid, you can just be glad that it isn’t your kid and you won’t have to deal with whatever problem they are creating. I dunno…I just get frustrated with all the judging. Ya know, in the end we are all just trying to be good mommies.

Urg!! Sometimes when I feel the urge to do something, I just with I would stop and give it another day. Today was my first day back at work. It was really great to be back. I am only at work 15 hrs/wk right now. I don’t feel bad leaving Tyler at the moment because he is being cared for by the grandparents. We will see how I feel when he is in daycare.

Anyway - my work frustrates me sometimes. I sent a fairly condescending email to my boss regarding a presentation they put together while I was away. I basically thought it was crap and said so. While I felt really good about being that direct initially, I realize that I could have used more tact. I so want to be that woman that says what she thinks with no regrets - but I do care what people think about me and how they feel - so that just doesn’t work. In the end, that just isn’t me.

I just need to not act on every impulse that overtakes me - and trust me - I get a lot of impulses. There are days I think that I would do well in the business world - and I WILL - I just need to learn to stop and think sometimes. Consider what the problem/issue is and what is the most appropriate way to handle it.

So of course I will spend the evening worrying that I really pissed off my boss and have to wait until tomorrow to do damage control. Urg - here’s hoping that it all goes okay and I can smooth things over (if he was even upset by it). Thought about taking some Round Rock donuts tomorrow as a bribe…

Otherwise, going back to work was great and I am glad that I made that choice. I have to go now, but take care and I will talk to you later. Here’s hoping the donuts work! :-p

*WARNING* - This may be TMI for some.

So I have not mentioned that for the last 3 weeks Tyler has had thrush (a yeast infection in his mouth) and I have had the same in my breast. Unfortunately, I sought help late and the help didn’t figure out what was going on right away. In the end, the Internet saved me. Basically, breastfeeding was becoming excruciating. When I was bawling on my couch while nursing Tyler at midnight on New Year’s Eve.. I knew I had to do something.

I found a lactation consultant’s web site which contained a treatment plan and we are going after it with a vengeance. What is the silver lining? I have about 30 pills of Motrin left over from my c-section…..that has REALLY helped me tolerate things. I am taking all the supplements, avoiding dairy and sugar, etc. Hopefully, it will work and I will feel better very soon. More than anything it is simply annoying.

We watched the extended version of Return of the King last night. Pretty good - some of the new scenes were cut a little wierd. It was nice to relax Sunday night before Chris returned to work (he was off last week for the holidays).

Had a nice Monday as Candice came over and brought some bubble tea - yum!! She hung out with us that afternoon - they day always zooms by when there is company. We had a fun time chatting…she was king enough to listen to all my Tyler chat. I do did not want to be one of those people that always talks about their kids - but when that is all your life consists of - there isn’t much else to talk about!