Today was the first day since Tyler has arrived that I have not felt exhausted. It is such a good feeling! I feel sane. I was feeling a little cooped up, so Chris and I went for a nighttime drive. We put Tyler in his carseat, got some hot cocoa and coffee, and drove along some of the more scenic parts of Austin (for those of you familiar - Bee Caves Rd to 620, through Riverplace and up Loop 360). We played some John Coltrane on the radio and just relaxed. It was awesome! Tyler was totally crashed out.

Winding up a Thankgiving weekend here. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the friends and family that have supported us these last 2 weeks with Tyler. There is no way we would have made it this far otherwise. I am thankful for the beautiful baby boy that we have. While my emotions are still balancing out - everyday I feel more connected, more blessed, and more scared. He is going to change my life and I look forward to all aspects of that change. Finally, I am most thankful for my husband. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. He has blessed me in spades and has taught me so much.

OK - I will stop here before I get too cheesy and dramatic. :-p Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Oh - we have added a Tyler section to site - check out the Tyler photo album!!

Things here are going pretty well. I think the hardest thing is still the lack of sleep. My brilliant child is trying to tell his mommy that he cannot be “solved”. I keep trying to approach his sleep patterns from a consulting angle - and so far - none of my strategies have really worked. So at this point - going to bed early and sleeping in late seem to be the only ways to accumulate decent sleep.

I am trying out my sling today. Some friends got their newborn in her sling almost immediately and said it was great! I think for me having him close with my hands free is so nice. He is in his sling right now. Like breastfeeding, it will take some practice, so hopefully, he will be patient with me.

Huh, saw that Southern California got 3 feet of snow?!?! I have been so out of the loop with what is going on outside my house…. please share if I have missed anything good.

Well - going to still try and take it easy this week. This is Chris’ last week home, so I think we are going to try and get a few things done - one big thing a day at the rate we move these days. So nice right now - we are both in the office working on our computers. It is so nice. This is the first thing since Tyler got here that feels like we are back to “normal” in some respects. The only difference is I have a baby around my neck in his sling. These are the moments that tell me life has changed, but not completely.

A friend told me a story about her neighbor who had a bit of a breakdown after her baby was born. She is a UT grad and lawyer - highly educated. A friend of theirs who is known for being a bit abrasive from time to time grabbed her shoulders and said, “Marcie, stupid people do this! Get a hold of yourself!” I laughed so hard when I heard that story and remember it whenever I am having a little breakdown of my own.

I never realized how emotional this whole experience would make me. I also never realized how fearful I would be. It is 9pm and we go into another evening. I have a lot of anxiety at this time, because I have no idea what the night will hold. Will he sleep? Will he go to sleep when I put him to bed after a feeding? It is pretty lonely feeding a baby at 3am. I am trying to learn to enjoy the quiet time with Tyler - I am just not quite used to it yet. It definitely takes an attitude adjustment to get there, but I am working at it.

At any rate - we made it through our first week home. I think it was an initiation - kind of like “hell week” for a fraternity. I feel like I have a few more tricks up my sleeve and am starting to figure things out. Tyler is still on a strange schedule and I continue to hope it will even out before Chris goes to work.

That is another scary time - Chris returns to work and I am home alone with this child. I am sure everything will be fine…I am really trying to go into each new phase with the best attitude that I can, but it is hard sometimes. I have always been a fearful person and have my insecurities and I guess this child really brings it all out of me.

It will all be okay - I am blessed with a healthy child and an amazing husband. It will all work out - like your first day of college or your first date. You feel apprehensive, but eventually you find your stride and are off an running. I know I will be too…. He is a wonderful child - our favorite indulgence is still having him sleep on our chests… It is the most peaceful, wonderful feeling in the world.

Well, I know he will need some food soon and I need to get ready for bed. You all take care.

Another quick post. I have never been so tired.. Tyler totally has his days and nights mixed up… We are hoping to turn that around.. Otherwise, he is still amazing and wonderful. I am pretty much an emotional wreck - being tired contributes, but also being a parent and realization of that. I want to protect him from the world… It is just a lot to grasp right now and freaks me out and at the same time I am so happy…. So hard being tired - I am so used to taking care of others and am having to learn to take care of me…I feel like I am failing sometimes, but realize that this is all part of this big change….

Post c-section is MUCH better today. I can sleep on my side today without pain!!!!!!!! Let the quality sleep begin - sleeping on my back sucks!! Been sweating a ton …part of my body ridding itself of preggo stuff. Learning to enjoy naps as well.

On the brightside - breastfeeding is going great! I never realized how hard it is and how many challenges you face with it. It is rewarding and you just have to stick with it. I have been blessed to avoid a lot of the problems that can occur so far..

We have stopped taking visitors right now - just too tired. My parents are coming back up today. I can’t tell you how amazing their suport has been. I have never appreciated my Mom so much - another thing that happens when you become a Mom yourself I suppose..

He is going to wake up soon wanting some lunch so I better go. Sorry for any incoherence - just a stream of consciousness here. You all take care and I will post again when I can…

So November 11 I mentioned this strange feeling that I thought would pass? Um..yeah, well that was labor…little did I know by the end of the day there would be a baby in my arms. I laugh now at my post about eating 3 bowls of cereal and that it was toe, to get to work..never did get there. Won’t say too much right now except that he is wonderful and Chris and I are aboslutely exhausted. He likes to be wide awake at 2 AM and we haven’t yet figured out all the tricks to getting a good night sleep. Every night gets a little better and I hear this is what everyone goes through.

Anyway, had a C-section so recovering from that - Tyler was breech. Chris has posted some pics if you are interested. Pics of Tyler.

Take care and I will post again soon…

Um, I just downed THREE bowls of Total Raisin Bran…..it was so good - I haven’t had cereal in a while! Time to stop eating and start working! :-p

This morning I am 36 weeks pregnant, so we are getting very close. Last night we had a tour of the labor and delivery rooms and postpartum rooms at the North Austin Medical Center where I will be delivering. They are really nice. The whole hospital is really nice. They even have room service for the rooms! Chris will be loving that!

Feeling a little strange physically this morning - hoping that will pass in a little while. I will be seeing my little sister tonight (Big Brothers Big Sisters) and need to figure out something fun. Originally, we had said bingo - but with all the smoke there - even in the non-smoking room, I just don’t think it is a good idea. Does anyone have any good ideas for a fun evening out with a high-school aged kid?

In other news, it is Veteran’s Day. I was listening to a story about WWI (today used to be Armistice Day). War is just awful. 100,000+ of our men died and many others were wounded and saw unimaginable horrors. I think about my husband and unborn son and it kills me - I would never want them to have to experience war. I think about our grandparents and their generation that endured 2 world wars and an immense loss of life. They seem to take nothing for granted and I can see why. In their day, you had to wait weeks for a letter from a loved one. By the time it was received, they may have been injured or even killed. It is just so sad.

My heart also goes out to everyone who has loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan right now. I think about being 8 months pregnant and am sure there is someone out there in my shoes whose hubby can’t be there to support her right now. I just keep those folks in my thoughts and prayers - that thier loved ones will return safe and soon.

Sorry for the somber blog…but I guess Veteran’s Day is a good day to take pause…

P.S. Oh, and before I forget - it is Jackie’s 11/11 day - Happy 11/11 day Jackie!